Roger Moore is back for his last rodeo as James Bond! It’s a rather slow, somewhat dull, kind of haphazard adventure filled with lovely women and also Grace Jones!

Honestly, there’s not a lot to say about this one. The whole formula is a bit tired and threadbare. I try to make the best of it and have fun by, for example, noting how stopping a guy from making EMP-proof chips available to the world is kind of a jerk goal for British Intelligence. I point out how Zorin is awfully clumsy about keeping his activities quiet when he puts his name on every chip and has them packed for shipping in his basement.

Start the commentary after the MGM lion, but before the Zorin disclaimer, on the countdown.

View to a Kill commentary [ 2:11:38 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (89)

Having recently agreed to do a commentary for Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, it occurred to me to go back and look at other requests I’ve had and see how I’ve done at fulfilling them. And it turns out… not so good.

I’ve had some good feedback and many more requests than I’d realized, but I’ve only done a few of the movies requested. I tried to do a Charles Bronson movie and found I didn’t have anything to say about them, kept an eye out for the obscure Hammer horror, found I had nothing to say about The Invisible Man (I might give that and the original Mummy another shot), and have a few others waiting patiently for me to get clean of my James Bond, Star Trek, and now Harry Potter obsessions.

So, my New Year’s Resolution is to do a better job at fulfilling requests.

Join me for the second leap into fantastic adventures of puddles of water and CGI spiders and cars that act silly as I watch and comment on Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I like this film second or third best of the series, but that doesn’t mean I cut it any slack. (Actually, I think I cut it slack on at least two occasions.)

I again analyze the plot and compare it to myths and folklore. I admire the structure and pacing. I wonder why muggles seem to see only what is convenient to the story, why no one in a whole month bothers to ask Myrtle how and when she died, and why NO ADULTS ARE INVESTIGATING THESE TERRIFYING EVENTS.

I’m watching the standard-edition Blu-ray. Start the film right as the Warner Brothers logo zooms by, on the countdown.

Harry Potter 2 commentary [ 2:34:20 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (107)

Join me in for the first step into the magical world of British character actors, child-sized horror-mystery, and wild swings of tone as I watch and comment on Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. I like the series quite a lot and this film is no exception. Your mileage may vary.

I’ve never read any of the books, so I stick almost entirely to exploration of the movies. But I analyze the plot and compare it to myths and folklore and the other films in the series. I complain that prophesies are used incorrectly in modern film, that Hermione is an author avatar that doesn’t even make sense. And I compare the characters here with their development (or lack thereof—or even regression) in the later films. And I touch on visual effects, consistency, setup-and-payoff, and mommy logic.

I’m watching the Blu-ray. Start the film right with the Warner Brothers backlot logo, on the countdown.

Harry Potter 1 commentary [ 2:29:42 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (130)

Join me as I join Josh from Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy, Mike and Damon from Geek Fights, and (about 90 minutes in) Mike from Commentary Tracks Stars as we celebrate the awfulness of Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin. Josh is ambivalent (in that he can barely stand it). I praise the set design and remain staunchly in denial of any gay subtext. Mike and Damon profess love that sours over the course of film. And CTS Mike just despises it. Over all, we have a great deal of fun with it.

I quote my 8-year-old nephew a few times. We speculate on superhero Donald Trump and Richard Branson. We try to figure out how a 21-year-old Barbara has a mother who was young in the 1940s. We wonder why Bane is even in this movie. And we marvel that Mr. Freeze’s suit is powered by puns.

Start the film right after the Warner Brothers logo has morphed into a bat and the Warner Brothers title card has faded, on the countdown.

Batman & Robin commentary [ 2:10:38 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (139)

Josh and John are back again for another three-commentator commentary, this time for Andrew Niccol’s Gattaca. We compare it to Niccol’s later films, discuss performances and art direction, and analyze the plot. We have varying degrees of respect for the movie, but none of us hate it.

DAMN! ANOTHER FEED GOOF! FIXED!

Start the film right after the Columbia logo has faded, on the countdown.

Gattaca commentary [ 1:50:48 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (131)

Join John Pavlich and me for the first of Christopher Nolan’s Batmen and thrill to the excitement of flashbacks(!) and training sequences(!) and more (but not a lot more). We both like the film, but maybe not as much as we did when before seeing The Dark Knight.

We talk Batman comic books, other Nolan movies, Joker vs Scarecrow, Scarecrow vs Falcone, Britons vs Americans, and Moore vs Gyllenhaal.

FIXED FEED FAILURE. SORRY!

I’m watching the Blu-ray. Start the film right after the Warner Brothers logo has faded, on the countdown.

Batman Begins commentary [ 2:04:15 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (241)

Join me for a trip thru one of the greatest action movies of all time. It’s the heartwarming story of a boy and his robot and his mom living off the fat of the land and blowing stuff up, driving like crazy people, and shooting guns ineffectively.

I examine the themes and visual motifs, discuss James Cameron in general, and compare the film to the original and other sequels and to other films. I temporarily misidentify a car (heaven forbid!), and stumble thru discussion of theme and motif, and speculate on where the rest of the original terminator skeleton got to.

NOTE: This commentary contains explicit language for no particular reason. I just felt like swearing.

I’m watching the theatrical version Blu-ray. Start the film right after the CarolCo logo has faded, on the countdown.

Terminator 2 commentary [ 2:04:15 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (256)

There’s big trouble brewing in Chinatown! Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we go into the tunnels under San Francisco to fight David Lo Pan and retrieve the lovely Miao Yin and Gracie Law! In this impromptu commentary, we discuss the film’s origins in pulp fiction and connections to Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, Bruce Lee movies, and other John Carpenter movies.

We gush like schoolgirls at times, and agree that the film is virtually if not actually nearly perfect.

Note: A little explicit language at times.

Start the movie on the countdown with the 20th Century Fox logo just fading up.

Big Trouble in Little China commentary [ 1:44:08 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (271)

Danny Trejo IS Machete, the hard-charging illegal immigrant of your nightmares. Robert DeNiro is the Italian/Irish/Texan state senator. Jessica Alba is the the superhot tight-pantsed Immigration agent. Michelle Rodriguez (no relation to our co-director Robert) is the superhot taco truck lady! And that guy who is always a villain in these kinds of movies is the villain in this movie!

Join me as I watch it for the first time and narrate the bloody mess! Also! Don Johnson! Steven Seagal! Cheech Marin! Tom Savini! It’s completely ridiculous how many famous actors are crammed into this movie! Except Devon Aoki! That is NOT—repeat NOT—Devon Aoki! I almost forgot Lindsey Lohan! Who gets naked! As do other ladies, some more and some less full-frontally!

It’s an all-out race against time! I think! It might be an action-packed roller-coaster-ride! I’m not sure! This plot was more complicated than I bargained for!

Start the movie on the countdown after the 20th Century Fox logo has faded to black.

Machete commentary [ 1:43:26 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (227)