William Goldman edits Simon Morgenstern’s rollicking adventure of pirates and princesses, swordplay and swamps down to “the good parts,” and I put all the missing pieces back in, carefully reconstructing the original narrative, in all its gruesome, graphic, weird, and perverse detail.

Join me as I divulge the not-safe-for-children truth. Rated M for mature.

Join me in an in-depth analysis of this terrific 1958 samurai film and detailed comparisons to the Star Wars movies it went on to inspire. I detail the connections between the characters and events in this with those in the Star Wars movies, ridicule the central characters, and boldly suggest that this movie needs a villain like Darth Vader.

Join me as I give the first feature-length werewolf movie a gentle ribbing even while admiring its entertaining aspects. I explain the history of werewolf lore and cinema, and I compare it to vampire and Frankenstein stories, not to mention the Hulk. And I disassemble it as a metaphor for serial killers versus a metaphor for puberty.