Articles in October, 2009

Commentary: The Princess Bride

William Goldman edits Simon Morgenstern’s rollicking adventure of pirates and princesses, swordplay and swamps down to “the good parts,” and I put all the missing pieces back in, carefully reconstructing the original narrative, in all its gruesome, graphic, weird, and perverse detail. Altho there’s no vulgar language, this commentary is rated M for mature.

Among other things from the original Morgenstern version of the story, I explain:

* How Buttercup comes from a family of hookers
* What happened to Westley—and the letters he wrote to Buttercup—while he was on the Revenge
* Where Inigo’s father hid the sword so Inigo could still have it
* The many layers of family man, scientist, and charity patron Vizzini
* What Westley’s body originally said he had reason to live for
* Who lost what limbs in the course of the story
* How Inigo could take several wounds and yet get stronger
* The truth about Inigo’s father’s fate

Commentary: The Hidden Fortress

Akira Kurosawa produces a taut samurai adventure of fear, greed, intimidation, theft, bumbling, self-sacrifice, cowardice, courage, betrayal, pantomime, song and dance, attempted rape, and other hilarity in this 1958 mini-epic that famously inspired the Star Wars saga. I detail the connections between the characters and events in this with those in the Star Wars movies, ridicule the central characters, and boldly suggest that this movie needs a villain like Darth Vader, all while avoiding pronouncing almost all the Japanese names or making ethnically insensitive jokes. And I never mention Jar-Jar Binks (ptooh!) once.

Commentary: Werewolf of London

Mrs. Frankenstein appears in another of the eight (8!) films she made in 1935 along with her ancient husband and aged childhood playmate in the very first feature-length werewolf movie! Mad botanist (you read that right) Dr. Glendon picks up a social disease in a foreign country and hides it from his wife while he tries to find a cure. Join me as I give the film a gentle ribbing even while admiring its entertaining aspects. I explain the history of werewolf lore and cinema, and I compare it to vampire and Frankenstein stories, not to mention the Hulk. And I disassemble it as a metaphor for serial killers versus a metaphor for puberty. Oh, and I ramble on after the end of the movie for about 10 minutes.