Netflix — IMDb
William Goldman edits Simon Morgenstern’s rollicking adventure of pirates and princesses, swordplay and swamps down to “the good parts,” and I put all the missing pieces back in, carefully reconstructing the original narrative, in all its gruesome, graphic, weird, and perverse detail. Altho there’s no vulgar language, this commentary is rated M for mature. Among other things from the original Morgenstern version of the story, I explain:

• How Buttercup comes from a family of hookers
• What happened to Westley—and the letters he wrote to Buttercup—while he was on the Revenge
• Where Inigo’s father hid the sword so Inigo could still have it
• The many layers of family man, scientist, and charity patron Vizzini
• What Westley’s body originally said he had reason to live for
• Who lost what limbs in the course of the story
• How Inigo could take several wounds and yet get stronger
• The truth about Inigo’s father’s fate

Additionally, I explain:

• Simon Morgenstern’s background, and who in the story represents him
• Who in history learned the hard way that a land war in Asia is a bad idea
• Whether or not I would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley, the Dread Pirate Sue-Ellen, or the Dread Pirate Sheldon
• What parts George Lucas stole for Star Wars from the original novel and therefore couldn’t be used in this movie
• How Buttercup’s best character moments are utterly disastrous
• Whom Inigo should have asked about a six-fingered man
• How a wood-and-porcelain artificial bowel works

Wait for my countdown to start the film with the MGM lion. (47 MB)