Running commentaries that you listen to while you watch the movie.

Articles in September, 2010

Commentary: Diamonds Are Forever

2010.Sep.27 | by in Entertainment | , , | 0 comments

Bond is back, and Connery is playing him—for one last, tired, somewhat out-of-shape, slightly graying time. The cars are American, the dames are American, the villains are campy, and the action is weak, but it’s not so bad. It’s got sausage king Jimmy Dean! I follow the threads of a plot where Bond actually does some investigating, albeit one in which he himself overcomplicates things for no reason. I examine Bond’s need to put the whole murdered-wife-being-the-result-of-his-own-incompetence thing behind him. And I also examine why M feels the need to be such a jerk to the guy who repeatedly saved Europe from the most wanted man since Hitler.

I suggest that what is difficult is not necessarily spectacular and that an elephant that hits a jackpot ought to be able to buy its freedom. I examine the wisdom of creating doubles of yourself when you’re holed up in a penthouse you never leave. Also I further explore my theory of Blofeld’s secret pathological need to be a philanthropist.

I can’t remember Denise Richards’ name. I forget to mention that Charles Gray (Blofeld here) was Bond’s wooden-legged-and-doomed contact in You Only Live Twice. I do successfully identify Bond semi-regular Shane Rimmer.

Oh, and I sing part of the theme song. So, you know, don’t miss that.

Diamonds Are Forever commentary [ 2:04:55 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (488)

Commentary: The Fifth Element

2010.Sep.13 | by in Entertainment | , | 0 comments

Bonjour! Join me as I tackle my first foreign film, the très Français sci fi blockbuster The Fifth Element. It’s the heart-warming story of Bruce Willis as a down-on-his-luck cab driver who meets girl of his dreams Milla Jovovich and takes her on a vacation that includes a cruise ship and Egypt (and ‘splosions!). She’s beautiful, she’s young (waaaay younger than him, actually), she’s a natural redhead (well, clown orange, actually), she’s a perfect being genetically engineered to fight evil, and she dresses like a Cirque du Soleil performer. What more could you ask for? Multipass!

I give some background on the movie and why it’s so very, very French. I compare it to Heavy Metal, Fright Night, Léon, Blade Runner, other Bruce Willis movies, and other Milla Jovovich movies. I heap praise on Milla and Bruce, as well as on Brion James and Ian Holm. I suggest that David’s collection of makeup and women’s-wear might indicate that he has hobbies outside the priesthood. I wonder if Zorg is possessed by alien chocolate syrup. And I try to remember all the other times in movies that Milla Jovovich has woken up naked in a laboratory.

Fifth Element commentary [ 2:03:45 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (499)

Commentary: Star Wars (theatrical)

2010.Sep.1 | by in Entertainment | , , | 0 comments

Yes, incredibly, I’ve broken my solemn oath not to do a Star Wars commentary a third time, this time by commentating on the original version of Star Wars from the bonus disk of the slim case boxed set. This is the one you may remember from VHS or laser disk or etched into stone tablets on Mount Olympus. It is the Star Wars.

I spend all my time disassembling the story and examining it piece by piece except when I’m making fun of C-3P0 or dismissing Chewbacca. I compare it to The Hidden Fortress, the hero’s journey monomyth, King Arthur, Gilgamesh, Greek myths, westerns, and Flash Gordon serials. I attempt to “fix” it—and by doing a lot more than making Greedo shoot first.

Star Wars commentary [ 2:03:45 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (533)

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