Mega Piranha

Mega PiranhaNetflix IMDb
Over-sized piranhas are attacking Venezuela! Join me as I watch the film for the first time (I’m calling these “sight unseen” commentaries now) and attempt to figure out what is going on; why fish bark, roar, and oink; and why everything seems to have been shot at 6 o’clock in the evening. Listen as I identify the multiple artificial ticking clocks, write off the entire state of Florida, and calculate the growth rate of genetically modified fish on a scratch pad several times—oh wait, the characters do that last one.

I research the extensive film biographies of Tiffany [last name unknown], Barry Williams, Paul “I’m not Paul Hogan” Logan, and director Eric Forsberg and come up pretty dry. However, they all do a pretty great job, so I have no complaints. Oh wait, I do complain that the titles aren’t left on screen long enough. (I’m a slow reader!) And I complain that there aren’t any subtitles or extras on the Blu-ray. That’s right—I’m watchin’ this puppy on Blu-ray! (from the $5 bargain bin) No more commercials! Bonus: brown lady boobs!

Start the movie after the “The Asylum” title has faded out and the “Mega Piranha” title is about to fade in.

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