Linda Hamilton is a diner waitress who rises to the occasion when a robot killer from the future drives his Delorean at 88 miles an hour to leap into the past in hopes of keeping his parents from meeting… or something like that. Michael Biehn is sent back to stop him and engage in some baby-makin’—and that’s worth arriving naked in LA for. Arnold Schwarzenegger is a relentless robot and also happens to play a relentless robot who gets an apartment to settle down and rest and keep a kitty. And Bill Paxton and Lance Henriksen are killed by their first franchise monster, with long and illustrious careers ahead of them where they repeatedly get killed by franchise monsters.
I mistakenly say Henriksen is killed by a predator in Predator 2, but it’s actually Alien vs Predator. I compare the film to Star Wars, Westworld, King Kong, Aliens, The Thing From Another World, Halloween, Back to the Future, and Harvey. I do a Jimmy Stewart impression. I bleep myself a couple of times to avoid the explicit tag. And I say that Brigitte Nielsen—who does not appear in this film—is German when she is actually Danish.
Start the movie after the original Orion logo has faded out and before the Hemdale title card has faded in.