It’s another Asylum monster/pop star extravaganza, this time with both Debbie Gibson and Tiffany [last name unknown], as well as a Martinez. ‘Which Martinez?’ you ask? THE Martinez. And a host of pythons and alligators-that-look-more-like-crocodiles-to-me rise out of the Everglades to attack Florida, which I again write off as a total loss. (Seriously, America, we’re fully insured, right?)
There is pop music (some of which is pretty damn good), cars, and helicopters that change shape in mid-air. There’s a herpatologist who can fly a helicopter and an animal rights activist who cares passionately about releasing non-native predators into Florida swamps. Other highlights: swallowing, biting, shooting, and cleavage. Plus, a secret surprise I guarantee will surprise you with its secret!
I praise the acting (I think; it’s tough to remember all the crap I say, sometimes) but ding the directing (close-ups of people getting eaten is fundamentally cinematically different from people getting eaten).
Start the movie after the “The Asylum” title has faded out and the “Mega Python vs Gatoroid” title has just faded in over the airboats.