Martin is back! (He has a codename: Faldor. Both of us do. It’s cool. It’s not weird.) We bust out of space prison and give Guardians of the Galaxy a good going over (which mainly consists of saying that it’s fun and cool and the plot is kind of unnecessary). It’s the heartwarming story of a boy who gets kidnapped and leads a life of crime and sexual depravity, with few friends and many enemies.
The film has too many villains and too many endings and some shaky acting but works anyway because of its excess of charm. We praise Marvel, Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Karen Gillen, the soundtrack, and—surprisingly—James Gunn.
We guess at what the soundtrack of the sequel will include. We compare it to The Avengers, Star Wars, Moonraker, Up, Reservoir Dogs, and—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods. For some reason, we discuss every Star Trek show and come to the conclusion that this is different. Also Firefly, because duh. We get into a fight over The Lost Boys, The Goonies, and—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods.
We’re watching the Blu-ray, so we stay in sync. Start the film on the countdown at 0:00:00.