|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The music of our [business opportunity]
2004.02.29— Business | Music | Satire | by Andrew Cole
After hearing the Eurythmics' subversive alternative classic "Sweet Dreams (are Made of This)" used as accompaniment for a news story about candy, I was reminded of other great pop and rock songs that have been co-opted by the Man and used to sell cars, watches, and Caribbean vacations. Songs by groups like Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, and Iggy Pop should be off-limits for commercial endeavor, especially when they're really about lonesome lust ("Rock & Roll"), emotional isolation ("Ironman"), and heroin addiction ("Lust for Life").
|
The mild popularity... would be engineered... by exploiting the quiet payola system between the music industry and radio station owners. |
So it occurs to me that maybe I should start a band—just a collection of session players, really—and produce catchy pop and rock songs that would enjoy mild popularity for a little while and then be available immediately for use by advertisers. The mild popularity isn't the challenge you might think it should be. It would be engineered the way it usually is these days: by exploiting the quiet payola system between the music industry and radio station owners.
The band would change its name and members frequently to keep the public guessing, avoid building up a following, and stay fresh and current. Up-and-coming musicians and song-writers could work under pseudonyms, honing their skills and learning the business while producing such eminently saleable tunes as "New and Improved!" and "Safe and Effective (If Used as Directed)."
Down-and-out musicians and song-writers could participate instead of selling the precious currency that is cultural icon-hood. It's an all-expenses-paid, guilt-free trip to Sell-Out City. After all, this isn't music that was ever meant to actually move people.
Most of the product would be disguised as bland romantic pop songs ("I Finally Found the One I Want") and ironic counter-culture pabulum ("Don't Tell Me What I Want"). The details of the lyrics aren't important, since only snippets of the chorus are featured in radio and television commercials; besides, few people listen closely enough to really understand them. But in a few cases, special deals with advertisers would place their product right in the song from the start ("Just Can't Help but Love My [Consumer Electronics Product]" and "Gonna Get You in the Back of My [Full-Size Passenger Vehicle]").
I'm sure this would be a lucrative business opportunity. And decent music gets left alone. Everybody wins.
f e e d b a c k
Respond to this page by your e-mail client. Please be sure to mention the title of the article.
