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Summer movie preview act-tacular
2004.05.06 — Entertainment | Movies | Movie Analysis | by Andrew Cole
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Diane Kruger (AKA Diane Heidkrueger) in her pre-Troy modeling days. Yeah, I'd fight a war for that. [source | official site] |
Summer is just around the corner (weather man notwithstanding), with the early birds kicking off this weekend. Let's take a look at the early summer films.
See also: late summer films.
Van Helsing (May 7)
The first blockbuster of the season pits Hugh Jackman against all the monsters you've ever been afraid of, including—but not limited to—Frankenstein's monster, the Wolfman, Dracula, and I think a harpy. There's a reason these monsters had their own stories to begin with: they're anti-heroes. I'm sick of seeing vampire hunters with holy water squirt guns and werewolf hunters with assault rifles loaded with silver bullets. The point of a monster movie is to be scared of the monster.
Troy (May 14)
Brad Pitt is Greece's greatest warrior Achilles fighting the Trojan War. To me, Pitt seems more fit for the role of Odysseus, the warrior-trickster who concocts the wooden horse idea. But that role went to Sean Bean and apparently isn't very big. Pity, since Pitt could have shined in the role and then gone on to reprise it in a film version of The Odyssey. Still, a big movie directed by Wolfgang Petersen (The Perfect Storm, Air Force One, Das Boot). Eric Bana (Hulk) is Hector, hero of Troy. Euromodel Diane Kruger is Helen, seduced by Orlando Bloom as Paris, and fleeing to Troy to start the mess.
Shrek 2 (May 21)
Shrek was a big, big movie, but I suspect the charm will wear thin in a second go-round. This episode has the big green dude meeting his new wife's high-brow parents, so expect belching and clumsiness followed by a noble deed that straightens out the trouble and endears him to the in-laws, accompanied by more mediocre pop tunes. Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, and Eddie Murphy all return. John Cleese and Julie Andrews are the parents, which might be good for a laugh. Please, no more Smashmouth.
The Day After Tomorrow (May 28)
Surprisingly, this is not a sequel to The Day After, but it is a disaster. Global warming causes an ice age to descend on North America. Or something like that...and someone has to save his son or daughter, like always. Big deal. Stars Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal; written and directed by Roland Emmerich. Not sure who Emmerich is? Let me throw some titles at you: Godzilla, Stargate, Universal Soldier. Maybe you liked Independence Day. Hell, maybe you liked The Patriot. Me? I'm staying away in droves.
Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban (June 4)
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Let's hope for more magic. [official site] |
Altho they didn't really contain much magic by Harry, the boy wizard's first two films (uno, dos) did very well. But this time Alfonso Cuarón has taken over from Chris Columbus. Cuarón directed Great Expectations and Y Tu Mamá También, so he's not the first name I think of for a children's adventure. Still, the likable cast returns, older and more mature. I don't relish seeing Harry and Hermione's first awkward sexual fumblings, tho.
The Stepford Wives (June 11)
Remake of the 1975 classic that no one has ever seen, Matthew Broderick is a scientist turning all the ladies of Stepford into automatons. Frank Oz directs. Nicole Kidman and Glenn Close star. Hmmm, a Nicole Kidman robot? Excellent....
The Terminal (June 18)
Tom Hanks is a foreign dude who gets trapped in an airport because of bureaucratic snafus revolving around his citizenship. Spielberg directed; Catherine Zeta-Jones supports. The story is a romantic comedy taken, oddly enough, from a real-life case; but of course the details are changed to make it more palatable to Americans. For example, the Hanks character is eastern European, not Iranian, and he doesn't go batshit insane.
Spider-Man 2 (July 2)
Spidey is the big dog in this summer's pack. Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst return (hurrah!) as does James Franco (hurrah.) Sam Raimi directs again, altho it was written by Alvin Sargent, an old dude whose previous films have been awfully talky. Al Molina (Frida, Chocolat) steps up as Doctor Octopus, my personal favorite of the web-slinger's foes.
See it, dolt!
See also: late summer films.
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