Tysto home

 


f r o n t . p a g e

 

b u s i n e s s

 

c u l t u r e

 

e n t e r t a i n m e n t

 

g o v e r n m e n t

e - m a i l . t y s t o

 

a b o u t . t y s t o

s e a r c h . t y s t o
s e a r c h . t y s t o | a b o u t . t y s t o | e - m a i l . t y s t o

 

Third-safest building in NY/NJ

2004.08.02 — Culture | Terrorism | Travel | by Derek Jensen

Prudential Street

Broad Street and Academy, Newark; outside Prudential Financial. [Tysto exclusive]

I flew into Newark Liberty last night, per usual for Sundays, and when I got to my corporate apartment, I discovered that the Prudential Financial building is third on the list of terror threats. I figure that makes it the third-safest building in the New York/New Jersey area.

I'm from "Michiana," which is the "Northern Indiana/Southern Michigan area." Very handy. They really need a name that succinctly combines "New York" and "New Jersey" for easy reference. I suggest "Yorsey" or perhaps "Jerk."

After all, who is going to attack a building after it has been on CNN? You know it's going to be barricaded and crawling with cops. And not just any cops: pissed off Port Authority cops who will shoot you down without blinking if they think you are a terrorist.

And it is.

Update: No, it's not. They're pissed off Newark Homeland Security cops, specially trained for anti-terror and having no other duties. —Ed.

Prudential Street

Satellite uplink trucks on Broad Street; from the fifth floor of Prudential Financial. [Tysto exclusive] (hi res)

I was pleasantly surprised by the rough-and-ready security I found this morning at my building, but I wasn't so ready for the cameras. There must be twenty camera crews out there this morning. I'm pretty sure they out-number the cops.

At one point, I saw four photographers gang up on a heavily-armed cop, snapping his picture against the building while he pretended to ignore them and scan the street for threats.

In fact, at lunch I counted seven satellite uplink trucks up and down the street as close as they could get to the building. If something bad had happened, all the local stations would have been up a creek without a satellite uplink truck.

So I took a couple of pics myself on the way in: me shooting the camera guy shooting the cop ready to shoot a terrorist. Irony lives.

There would be wigs everywhere of every color and description...

Holy hell will break loose if there's an explosion in this area. We're smack in the middle of the wig district. There would be wigs everywhere of every color and description: on marking meters, fire hydrants, no parking signs, antennas of cars parked next to no parking signs....

I feel pretty safe and confident (except for double the usual number of sirens outside my fifth-floor cubicle). I just wish those bastards at the airport hadn't confiscated another of my pocket knives.

I'm ready for anything, tho. I just got my eyes lasered this weekend, so I don't need glasses anymore. Having to rely on glasses has always made me slightly uneasy about ever being in a real emergency. I think it's the years of watching Scooby Doo as a kid and seeing Velma lose her glasses in every episode. I don't want to be Velma.

Since college, I've said that I never want to own a pair of shoes I can't run in.

Likewise, part of my personal readiness plan is comfortable shoes. Since college, I've said that I never want to own a pair of shoes I can't run in. There weren't any terrorist incidents at Purdue while I was there. I was just making fun of women at the time, but now it seems prescient.

 

f e e d b a c k

Respond to this page by your e-mail client. Please be sure to mention the title of the article.

 

s i d e b a r
TOP