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Vote!
2004.11.01 — Government | Politics | Campaign 2004 | by BB Rodriguez
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Uncle Sam wants YOU to vote, if you're not a complete jackass. [source] |
You'd better vote tomorrow, you sonofabitch, if you know what's good for you. Good men and women fought and died to secure the freedom for you to sit on your fat ass and thumb your nose at democracy, you lousy jerk.
If you are a white man, you've enjoyed the privilege of being a non-voting bastard for over 200 years. Only a few thousand people died in the Revolutionary War and again later in the War of 1812, which gravely threatened American independence. They secured your right to be too busy working to bother to participate in choosing a leader.
Technically, no one died in the Revolutionary War "and again later" in the War of 1812. They were all different people. —Ed.
If you are a man of any of the brownish varieties, several thousand more were sacrificed in racist murders and civil rights demonstrations before your stinking bulk could forget to register to vote until it was too late. Hell, it only took a couple of landmark Supreme Court cases and not one but two damn amendments to the Constitution, not to mention—if your ancestors were slaves—a civil freaking war, all so you could complain that there's no difference between the candidates.
| If you are a man of any of the brownish varieties... |
If you are a white woman, you likewise needed an amendment to the Constitution before the rest of us agreed that you have the God-given right to remain undecided even now because you can't be bothered to go to a website to read the position statements of the challenger and the incumbent. God forbid you double-check with a bi-partisan site for a full account. Some women were jailed and beaten to ensure your ability to forget you had to be out of town on Election Day.
If you are an immigrant, you came to this country for economic opportunity and for the guarantee that you will be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. You join a noble tradition of not knowing where to go to vote on Election Day. Welcome, you tired, poor, huddled mass.
And don't get me started on black women immigrants. They owe so much to so many they ought to vote twice a day, every day.
As individuals, you are a stinking lot of ignoramuses. But you are all we've got. You choose this country's leaders. Get out and vote.
f e e d b a c k
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