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Ten things Rush was doing in the Dominican Republic

...Instead of banging teenage prostitutes

2006.07.03 — Business | Satire | by BB Rodriguez

Dominican girls

Who wouldn't want to help these unfortunate waifs? [source]

It wasn't so long ago that Rush Limbaugh more or less settled his trouble with prescription drugs and doctor shopping, which is the act of getting prescriptions from more than one doctor. Rush was recently detained at customs on his way back from a vacation in the Dominican Republic and was questioned about a mysterious prescription of Viagra that was not in his name but in the name of... another doctor. But what was he doing vacationing alone in the Dominican Republic in the first place? In their smug analysis of a middle-aged man with erectile dysfunction medication, few have asked this harder question. The Dominican Republic is a country known for its poverty, its love of baseball, and its rampant prostitution. I think the answer is clear: Rush went there to minister to teenage prostitutes.

Limbaugh

Smiling thru adversity. [source]

It's well-known that Rush has a fondness for prostitutes and an interest in foreign affairs. It's only natural that he would want to put teenage prostitutes on the straight and narrow, so to speak. Here is my list of what Rush was probably doing to help the unfortunate waifs of Quisqueya.

  1. Helping hurricane-ravaged teenage prostitutes rebuild their shanties
  2. Teaching teenage prostitutes to read, using Bill O'Reilly's erotic serial killer fantasy, Those Who Trespass
  3. Counseling teenage prostitutes on the importance of proper diet and exercise
  4. Counseling teenage prostitutes on the heartbreak of multiple divorces
  5. Counseling teenage prostitutes on the heartbreak of prescription drug addiction
  6. Visiting the Sammy Sosa Museum with a teenage prostitute
  7. Snorkeling with teenage prostitutes
  8. Playing beach volleyball with teenage prostitutes
  9. Playing golf with teenage prostitutes
  10. Searching for the next great black quarterback, with help of a teenage prostitute

Here's hoping that Rush gets off easy.

There you have it. That's a busy vacation schedule, helping make the world a better place. There's no news yet on what the feds are planning to do about the Viagra. Here's hoping that Rush gets off easy.

 

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