Category Archives: Entertainment

Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens

Star Wars the Force AwakensIMDb

After a long absence, and now much older and wiser, Drew returns to set us straight about Star Wars. And I wreck things and generally act childish.

We lament the familiarity of the plot and some character choices. We debate weather Daisy Ridley is actually Keira Knightly (me: yes; Drew: probably not), and whether the stormtroopers are “thick” and/or “phat”.

We volley back and forth with our deep, deep knowledge of the Star Wars Extended Universe, most of which is made up. We ponder the reason why Kylo Ren is there, why Finn instantly goes from Conscientious Objector to Hollywood Hero, how maps work, who is making robots that feel bad, and why any of this happens.

Bonus: I clear my throat 11,000 times!

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start right after the logo on the countdown.

Super 8

Super 8IMDb
John Pavlich and I open up J J Abrams’ mystery box and like what we see, if only because it reminds us so much of all the films we loved from our childhood. We heap praise all over the place, repeated forgive it its sins and excesses, and try to nitpick anachronisms.

We compare it to other J J Abrams films, Steven Spielberg films, The Explorers, The Goonies, Aliens, and Alf.

Bonus: we manage to keep it clean.

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start right after the Paramount logo on the countdown.

Mission: Impossible: Rogue: Nation

MI5IMDb
Join me in watching the fifth and by no means final episode in the Ethan Hunt saga, in which IMF—gasp!—gets shut down and Ethan—gulp!—goes rogue. Insiders turn out to be bad guys! Ethan works with a beautiful mystery woman he isn’t sure he can trust! They steal something they don’t understand and give it to the villain! I know this sounds like every other Mission Impossible film! But this one is even better than most of the others!

I compare it to the other films, to James Bond (again [too much {again}]), to the TV show, to Hitchcock, to Faust, to Foul Play, and to Phantom Menace. I tiptoe around Cruise’s real life, explain the geography of Europe and the design of my swimming pool, fail to remember Timothy Dalton’s name, do an impression of Luther that is half Ving Rhames and half Tracy Morgan, point out a couple of substantial logic gaps, and complain endlessly about how much I like the film.

I’m watching the Blu-ray. Start right after the Paramount logo on the countdown.

More commentaries

Okay, no more lies, no more hiding. I’m out on parole after The Incident** and tanned, rested, and ready to do some commentaries.

  • Mission Impossible 5: Jeremy Renner Talks on Phones
  • James Bond vs Guess What, There’s A Bad Guy on the Inside Again
  • Super 8
  • Super 8 1/2 (Federico Fellini’s semi-biographical exploration of a director’s struggles with the women in his life while making a film about an alien monster’s escape from government scientists)
  • Showgirls, in which I explain the theme of female empowerment
  • Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels
  • Snatch, if I can get a Cockney to explain it to me (attn: Russell Brand)
  • The Cabin in the Woods, if I can get Pavlich to explain it to me
  • 6 episodes of Midsomer Murders (all the ones that don’t feature a village fete)
  • Whatever is popular on Netflix at the time, which at the moment looks like Skinwalkers: The Navajo Mysteries or Nazi Mega Weapons: German Engineering in WW2***

ALL THIS WITH MY SOLEMN PROMISE OF SLIGHTLY LESS GIGGLING ****

** You probably read about it on Flipboard and Tinder: a cat, a van, two apple pies, a bottle of Captain Morgan’s, and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

*** They write it with Roman numerals, but as I’ve explained before I DON”T SPEAK LATIN

**** Let’s be realistic tho about Showgirls

 

Ant-Man

Ant-ManIMDb
Jimmy and I take a rambling look at Marvel’s Ant-Man (after a brief bit of confusion over which movie we’re watching) and express our (reserved) love for it. We praise the look and art design, the actors, and the writing. And we discuss which aspects of the writing and directing don’t work as well.

We’re watching HD versions and stay in sync. Start at 0:00:00 on the countdown.

Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the GalaxyIMDb
Martin is back! (He has a codename: Faldor. Both of us do. It’s cool. It’s not weird.) We bust out of space prison and give Guardians of the Galaxy a good going over (which mainly consists of saying that it’s fun and cool and the plot is kind of unnecessary). It’s the heartwarming story of a boy who gets kidnapped and leads a life of crime and sexual depravity, with few friends and many enemies.

The film has too many villains and too many endings and some shaky acting but works anyway because of its excess of charm. We praise Marvel, Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Karen Gillen, the soundtrack, and—surprisingly—James Gunn.

We guess at what the soundtrack of the sequel will include. We compare it to The Avengers, Star Wars, Moonraker, Up, Reservoir Dogsand—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods. For some reason, we discuss every Star Trek show and come to the conclusion that this is different. Also Firefly, because duh. We get into a fight over The Lost Boys, The Goonies, and—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods.

We’re watching the Blu-ray, so we stay in sync. Start the film on the countdown at 0:00:00.

The Omen (1976)

OmenIMDb
Join Jimmy and me to have a lot of fun with the original The Omen. We compare it to the other films in the series, the remake, Jaws, and other Richard Donner films (hey, would Damien make a good Goonie? There’s a question we didn’t ask).

We praise the acting, wonder what God is up to these days, praise baboons for keeping us Antichrist-free for 2000 years, and eventually recast the film with Muppets.

We’re watching HD versions and stay in sync. Start after the logo, on the countdown.

Tremors

TremorsIMDb
John Pavlich is back for another horror-comedy romp, this time with Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward vs sand worms. We revel in the B-movie cheesiness that works better than most A movies. We compare it to the sequels, Jaws, Maximum Overdrive, and other slasher and siege films.

We speculate on the biology of the creatures and their closest living relatives. We analyze set-up and payoff. We mark the points of Val’s character arcs (two of them!).

We’re watching the Blu-ray version. Start the film after the Orion logo on the countdown.