http://www.tysto.com Running commentaries that you listen to while you watch the movie. Sun, 16 Jun 2013 01:45:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 Copyright © Derek Jensen webmaster@tysto.com (Tysto.com) webmaster@tysto.com (Tysto.com) TV & Film 1440 http://www.tysto.com/images/tysto-commentaries-small.jpg http://www.tysto.com 144 144 http://feeds.feedburner.com/TYSTOCommentaries Audio commentaries that you listen to while you watch the movie Tysto commentaries are full-length audio commentaries that you listen to while you watch the movie on DVD or Blu-ray or however. movie, movies, film, commentary, commentaries, cinema, dvd, blu-ray, fan, alternative, audio, alternate Tysto.com Tysto.com webmaster@tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/06/sorting-things-out/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/06/sorting-things-out/#comments Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:02:32 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2464 Inception so quickly on his site, I moved it up ahead of Austin Powers.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/06/sorting-things-out/feed/ 0 http://www.tysto.com/2013/06/commentary-inception-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/06/commentary-inception-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Sun, 09 Jun 2013 16:01:57 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/2013/06/commentary-inception-with-sofa-dogs/ Dreamscape, Ghostbusters, The Matrix, The Dirty Dozen, The Guns of Navarone, heist films, The Spanish Prisoner, Ocean's 11, Reservoir Dogs, and A Nightmare on Elm Street. We compare Christopher Nolan to Woody Allen, the Coen Brothers, Stanley Kubrick, and Michael Bay. I complain that Ellen Page doesn't have enough to do. I rewrite the film and give it to M Night Shyamalan to direct. John pitches an Ariadne-Arthur TV show and tries to cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the new Spider-Man.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/06/commentary-inception-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 2:24:16 Join John Pavlich and me as we delve into the innermost psyche of Christopher Nolan and pull out dead wives, survivor guilt, selfishness, and a creaky elevator. We analyze how many acts the film really has, the cinematography of the Avengers, and wh[...] Join John Pavlich and me as we delve into the innermost psyche of Christopher Nolan and pull out dead wives, survivor guilt, selfishness, and a creaky elevator. We analyze how many acts the film really has, the cinematography of the Avengers, and whether or not Hans Zimmer is the right man for to score the film. We compare the film to other Nolan films, other Di Caprio films, Dreamscape, Ghostbusters, The Matrix, The Dirty Dozen, The Guns of Navarone, heist films, The Spanish Prisoner, Ocean's 11, Reservoir Dogs, and A Nightmare on Elm Street. We compare Christopher Nolan to Woody Allen, the Coen Brothers, Stanley Kubrick, and Michael Bay. I complain that Ellen Page doesn't have enough to do. I rewrite the film and give it to M Night Shyamalan to direct. John pitches an Ariadne-Arthur TV show and tries to cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the new Spider-Man. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/commentary-captain-america/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/commentary-captain-america/#comments Mon, 27 May 2013 05:03:06 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/commentary-captain-america/ Captain America: The First Avenger. I analyze the structure, give some background on my love for the comic books, and suggest a few minor changes. But mostly I praise the story, performances, and effects at every turn. It's not a perfect movie, but it's a solid one. I compare it to the other Avengers films, Spider-Man, Indiana Jones, Fantastic Four, and Top Secret. I wish we saw a bit more leadership earlier on. I wonder what would happen if Steve still had asthma after taking the Super Soldier serum. And I point out that the Red Skull's flip-flap digital timers are more anachronistic than his closed-circuit television system.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/commentary-captain-america/feed/ 2 1:57:05 Join me for a lovefest for Captain America: The First Avenger. I analyze the structure, give some background on my love for the comic books, and suggest a few minor changes. But mostly I praise the story, performances, and effects at every turn. It'[...] Join me for a lovefest for Captain America: The First Avenger. I analyze the structure, give some background on my love for the comic books, and suggest a few minor changes. But mostly I praise the story, performances, and effects at every turn. It's not a perfect movie, but it's a solid one. I compare it to the other Avengers films, Spider-Man, Indiana Jones, Fantastic Four, and Top Secret. I wish we saw a bit more leadership earlier on. I wonder what would happen if Steve still had asthma after taking the Super Soldier serum. And I point out that the Red Skull's flip-flap digital timers are more anachronistic than his closed-circuit television system. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/podpocalypse/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/podpocalypse/#comments Mon, 20 May 2013 18:01:17 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2374 http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/podpocalypse/feed/ 0 http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/commentary-star-trek-vi-with-faldor/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/commentary-star-trek-vi-with-faldor/#comments Mon, 13 May 2013 05:55:12 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2327 http://www.tysto.com/2013/05/commentary-star-trek-vi-with-faldor/feed/ 0 1:57:47 Faldor returns to take the place of the Doctor from Speakeasy on a final(?) Star Trek commentary. We examine the film as a treatise on Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes (and international politics and racism, whatever) and speculate on Kim Catrall's a[...] Faldor returns to take the place of the Doctor from Speakeasy on a final(?) Star Trek commentary. We examine the film as a treatise on Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes (and international politics and racism, whatever) and speculate on Kim Catrall's allure. We discuss some background on how the budget constrained Nick Meyer's production values and how he nevertheless prevailed mightily. We like this adventure a lot, roast turkey, purple blood, and all. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-bourne-identity-with-faldor/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-bourne-identity-with-faldor/#comments Mon, 29 Apr 2013 05:09:15 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2316 http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-bourne-identity-with-faldor/feed/ 0 2:02:14 Faldor joins me for a full look at the first Jason Bourne movie, the heartwarming tale of an amnesiac assassin learning love (and kill) again. We like the film a lot, but we do feel it has its flaws. We compare it to the Bond films, the later Bourne[...] Faldor joins me for a full look at the first Jason Bourne movie, the heartwarming tale of an amnesiac assassin learning love (and kill) again. We like the film a lot, but we do feel it has its flaws. We compare it to the Bond films, the later Bourne films, Ronin, Hannah, The Italian Job (1969), and Frankenstein. We wonder if Brian Cox has a thing for amnesiac killing machines. We question Matt Damon's commitment to the assassin trade and what Julia Stiles is doing in this movie. I briefly accuse Dolph Lundgren of being German. Faldor briefly accuses Julia Stiles of not being a good actor. I claim that Clive Owen could play any role, including James Bond and Doctor Who (possibly at the same time). Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-the-road-warrior/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-the-road-warrior/#comments Mon, 15 Apr 2013 05:08:54 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2270 Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior. It's the heartwarming tale of a group of car enthusiasts looking for love and juice* in the post-apocalypse. I lament the '80s fashions, but I call the film "best of its kind" and "nearly perfect". I compare it to Mad Max, westerns, samurai pictures, Star Wars, war movies, Jesus, Moses, The Matrix, Die Hard, and—eventually—Citizen Kane. And I gush about the cinematography like I never have any other film. Feed fixed!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-the-road-warrior/feed/ 0 1:40:08 Join me for the second of the Mad Max films: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior. It's the heartwarming tale of a group of car enthusiasts looking for love and juice* in the post-apocalypse. I lament the '80s fashions, but I call the film "best of its ki[...] Join me for the second of the Mad Max films: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior. It's the heartwarming tale of a group of car enthusiasts looking for love and juice* in the post-apocalypse. I lament the '80s fashions, but I call the film "best of its kind" and "nearly perfect". I compare it to Mad Max, westerns, samurai pictures, Star Wars, war movies, Jesus, Moses, The Matrix, Die Hard, and—eventually—Citizen Kane. And I gush about the cinematography like I never have any other film. Feed fixed! Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-plan-9-from-outer-space/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-plan-9-from-outer-space/#comments Mon, 01 Apr 2013 05:11:36 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2309 Close Encounters, Star Trek, Babylon 5, and Independence Day. I accuse of the film of being accurate and well-acted; Faldor accuses it of being innocent. I call Ed Wood a war hero.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/04/commentary-plan-9-from-outer-space/feed/ 1 1:25:59 Join Faldor and me for Ed Wood's 1959's Plan 9 From Outer Space, the heartbreaking tale of aliens who come to Earth to warn us of the dangers of science but who get their eyes blackened by ruffians just because they raised some corpses from the dead[...] Join Faldor and me for Ed Wood's 1959's Plan 9 From Outer Space, the heartbreaking tale of aliens who come to Earth to warn us of the dangers of science but who get their eyes blackened by ruffians just because they raised some corpses from the dead for some reason. What do you want? The other 8 plans failed even worse. Faldor and I analyze the mise en scène, the cinéma vérité, and the pâté de foie gras. We explore Ed Wood's career, Bela Lugosi's career, and the career of some people I mix up with others and/or make up. We credit the film with inspiring countless other films and TV that ripped it off, such as Close Encounters, Star Trek, Babylon 5, and Independence Day. I accuse of the film of being accurate and well-acted; Faldor accuses it of being innocent. I call Ed Wood a war hero. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/03/commentary-mad-max/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/03/commentary-mad-max/#comments Mon, 18 Mar 2013 05:12:08 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2252 Mad Max. It's the heartwarming story of a gang of motorcycle roustabouts who run afoul of the law in a vast and desolate near future where fuel is scarce and no one questions your sexuality. I compare the film to Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior as well as to other fast car pictures, westerns, horror movies, and Mel Gibson's life. I heap praise on nearly every aspect of it to the point that you would think I would call it "nearly perfect" but I don't. I'm not sure why, because the last of the V8s is banging on all cylinders at all times.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/03/commentary-mad-max/feed/ 1 1:40:08 Join me for the first of the Mad Max films: Mad Max. It's the heartwarming story of a gang of motorcycle roustabouts who run afoul of the law in a vast and desolate near future where fuel is scarce and no one questions your sexuality. I compare t[...] Join me for the first of the Mad Max films: Mad Max. It's the heartwarming story of a gang of motorcycle roustabouts who run afoul of the law in a vast and desolate near future where fuel is scarce and no one questions your sexuality. I compare the film to Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior as well as to other fast car pictures, westerns, horror movies, and Mel Gibson's life. I heap praise on nearly every aspect of it to the point that you would think I would call it "nearly perfect" but I don't. I'm not sure why, because the last of the V8s is banging on all cylinders at all times. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/03/commentary-skyfall/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/03/commentary-skyfall/#comments Mon, 04 Mar 2013 05:12:03 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2287 http://www.tysto.com/2013/03/commentary-skyfall/feed/ 2 2:37:15 Bond is back again already in his final turn for a while, with Daniel Craig renewing his contract (perhaps somewhat reluctantly) and seeming a bit weather-beaten. Faldor joins me again and we watch with enthusiasm as many of the tropes are trodden e[...] Bond is back again already in his final turn for a while, with Daniel Craig renewing his contract (perhaps somewhat reluctantly) and seeming a bit weather-beaten. Faldor joins me again and we watch with enthusiasm as many of the tropes are trodden even while the series makes a careful return to form. We delight in the reversals (Bond blows up his OWN LAIR this time! M is a Bond girl! [actually, that's kind of happened before]) and point out the soft spots (Silva is YET ANOTHER insider coming back to haunt M? Severine carries a gun and has bodyguards but they mainly just keep her from running away?). Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/02/commentary-quantum-of-solace-with-faldor/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/02/commentary-quantum-of-solace-with-faldor/#comments Mon, 25 Feb 2013 05:09:34 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2179 http://www.tysto.com/2013/02/commentary-quantum-of-solace-with-faldor/feed/ 2 1:51:09 Bond is back and with Daniel Craig returns for revenge (more or less... eventually). Faldor joins me again, and we watch a decent story driven drunkenly into desert and left for dead by Mark Forster. We don't hate the film, but it's so lifeless, hum[...] Bond is back and with Daniel Craig returns for revenge (more or less... eventually). Faldor joins me again, and we watch a decent story driven drunkenly into desert and left for dead by Mark Forster. We don't hate the film, but it's so lifeless, humorless, and Bourne-like that there's just almost nothing to love. I love the theme song; Faldor doesn't. We both love the action but wish it had more tying it together. I feel like the villain is basically Roman Polanski and suggest he needs a henchman like Oskar "Blade Runner" Pistoria (the footless Olympic runner and alleged murderer). Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/02/commentary-the-thing-2011/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/02/commentary-the-thing-2011/#comments Mon, 11 Feb 2013 05:45:37 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2209 The Thing (1982). Since this is not that movie (I already did that with the Doctor from Speakeasy), you might imagine that I would be somewhat sour on this one. But you would be wrong! I give this movie every chance and only later sour on it and regret ever turning it on! Seriously, tho, I wonder about the director, the writer, the story, the leads, key decisions about the art direction, why there weren't any corndogs at Craft Services... everything. But mostly I blame the director.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/02/commentary-the-thing-2011/feed/ 0 1:44:08 Join me for a sight unseen commentary for the prequel to my favorite horror movie, The Thing (1982). Since this is not that movie (I already did that with the Doctor from Speakeasy), you might imagine that I would be somewhat sour on this one. But y[...] Join me for a sight unseen commentary for the prequel to my favorite horror movie, The Thing (1982). Since this is not that movie (I already did that with the Doctor from Speakeasy), you might imagine that I would be somewhat sour on this one. But you would be wrong! I give this movie every chance and only later sour on it and regret ever turning it on! Seriously, tho, I wonder about the director, the writer, the story, the leads, key decisions about the art direction, why there weren't any corndogs at Craft Services... everything. But mostly I blame the director. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-casino-royale-2006-with-faldor-2/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-casino-royale-2006-with-faldor-2/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2013 05:04:23 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2300 http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-casino-royale-2006-with-faldor-2/feed/ 0 2:26:42 Bond is back, and Daniel Craig climbs into the saddle! Faldor from the Down in Front forum joins me again for this, one of the better films of the series. I complain that it doesn't feel very much like Bond, which is one of the things he likes about[...] Bond is back, and Daniel Craig climbs into the saddle! Faldor from the Down in Front forum joins me again for this, one of the better films of the series. I complain that it doesn't feel very much like Bond, which is one of the things he likes about it. We examine the concept of "soft" reboot and whether M has changed or if it's just Bond. I reflexively identify the cars, but it's not like there are any big chases. The action is mostly on foot and felt, as Bond leaps and bets his way thru what amounts to two films: an action film and a gambling thriller. We compare it to the book and a little bit to other Bond films more. We speculate on Bond's ability to reproduce and copyright an idea for an all-Bond-Junior movie starring several copies of Shia LaBeouf. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-community-1x05-adv-criminal-law/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-community-1x05-adv-criminal-law/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2013 05:12:28 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2231 Sofa Dogs to watch the fifth episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss Luis Guzman, Mark Hamill, going off campus, the theme of cheating, and Annie stuffing her bra.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-community-1x05-adv-criminal-law/feed/ 0 0:23:18 Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the fifth episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss Luis Guzman, Mark Hamill, going off campus, the theme of cheating, and Annie stuffing her bra. Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the fifth episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss Luis Guzman, Mark Hamill, going off campus, the theme of cheating, and Annie stuffing her bra. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-the-avengers-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-the-avengers-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 21 Jan 2013 05:05:43 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2225 Sofa Dogs and me as we walk thru The Avengers (the loud American one, not the weird British one). We fail to remember what happened in Thor, discuss the structure and character motivations, and general enjoy it. John accuses me of being negative because I think the idea of an Iron Man suit that shoots out of a wall, chases down a falling Tony Stark, opens itself, and somehow puts itself on him while he's falling is a dumb idea. He also has to explain Loki's plot to me, but I remain dubious. (What is his plan for Hulk again?)]]> http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-the-avengers-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 2:24:14 Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we walk thru The Avengers (the loud American one, not the weird British one). We fail to remember what happened in Thor, discuss the structure and character motivations, and general enjoy it. John accuses me [...] Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we walk thru The Avengers (the loud American one, not the weird British one). We fail to remember what happened in Thor, discuss the structure and character motivations, and general enjoy it. John accuses me of being negative because I think the idea of an Iron Man suit that shoots out of a wall, chases down a falling Tony Stark, opens itself, and somehow puts itself on him while he's falling is a dumb idea. He also has to explain Loki's plot to me, but I remain dubious. (What is his plan for Hulk again?) Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-die-another-day/ http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-die-another-day/#comments Mon, 14 Jan 2013 05:25:17 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2192 http://www.tysto.com/2013/01/commentary-die-another-day/feed/ 0 2:13:53 Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan takes his final bow. Faldor and I take it to pieces. We examine the unusualness of the opening prison sequence, parallels between Madonna and Margaret Thatcher, and if Bjork would have been better than either of them[...] Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan takes his final bow. Faldor and I take it to pieces. We examine the unusualness of the opening prison sequence, parallels between Madonna and Margaret Thatcher, and if Bjork would have been better than either of them, the concept of a steroid overdose, and the complexity of the villain's plan. We lament the awful CGI, double agents within MI6, Michael Madsen, and the lack of penguins in the Arctic. We speculate about Bond's car being a hybrid so it can sneak up on people when invisible. And I do some near-perfect impressions of famous people. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-community-1x04-social-psych/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-community-1x04-social-psych/#comments Mon, 31 Dec 2012 05:05:43 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2165 Sofa Dogs to watch the fourth episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss John Oliver, butt stuff, Jeff vs Vaughn, Eric Charles-Nielson, ultimate Frisbee, and Annie's sweaters.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-community-1x04-social-psych/feed/ 0 0:22:30 Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the fourth episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss John Oliver, butt stuff, Jeff vs Vaughn, Eric Charles-Nielson, ultimate Frisbee, and Annie's swea[...] Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the fourth episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss John Oliver, butt stuff, Jeff vs Vaughn, Eric Charles-Nielson, ultimate Frisbee, and Annie's sweaters. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-the-dark-knight-rises-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-the-dark-knight-rises-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 24 Dec 2012 05:09:33 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2198 Sofa Dogs and me for the third of Christopher Nolan's Batmen! We discuss Nolan's shift in approach, the uneven writing, and why we both respond very favorably to the film anyway. We discuss the Batvoice and whether or not the Batcowl squooshes his face and makes him talk that way. We debate Bane's nature (weightlifting painkiller addict?) and why we don't see his face since we saw Dent's charred face. I contend that substantial parts of the story are unnecessary and that it doubles back on itself. John defends it. We compare it to the previous films, James Bond, Catwoman, and strong female characters. We discuss the wonky timeline, my preferred ending, and how great Joseph Gordon-Levitt is no matter what he is or isn't given to do.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-the-dark-knight-rises-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 2:45:12 Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me for the third of Christopher Nolan's Batmen! We discuss Nolan's shift in approach, the uneven writing, and why we both respond very favorably to the film anyway. We discuss the Batvoice and whether or not the Ba[...] Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me for the third of Christopher Nolan's Batmen! We discuss Nolan's shift in approach, the uneven writing, and why we both respond very favorably to the film anyway. We discuss the Batvoice and whether or not the Batcowl squooshes his face and makes him talk that way. We debate Bane's nature (weightlifting painkiller addict?) and why we don't see his face since we saw Dent's charred face. I contend that substantial parts of the story are unnecessary and that it doubles back on itself. John defends it. We compare it to the previous films, James Bond, Catwoman, and strong female characters. We discuss the wonky timeline, my preferred ending, and how great Joseph Gordon-Levitt is no matter what he is or isn't given to do. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-the-world-is-not-enough/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-the-world-is-not-enough/#comments Mon, 17 Dec 2012 05:14:46 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2169 http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-the-world-is-not-enough/feed/ 0 0:00:01 Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan is at the top of his game—or perhaps just past it. This is not one of my favorites, but I find that on revisiting it my opinion changes in what I think is a very interesting way. Our villain is kind of mushy. Our [...] Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan is at the top of his game—or perhaps just past it. This is not one of my favorites, but I find that on revisiting it my opinion changes in what I think is a very interesting way. Our villain is kind of mushy. Our Bond girls lovely if a little hard to believe. I don't have much trouble getting thru it even tho I find it quite flat, but you may find that I repeat myself too much and talk too much about the guns and whether or not Bond is sexist, misogynistic, or just a sex addict. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-north-by-northwest-with-cts/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-north-by-northwest-with-cts/#comments Mon, 03 Dec 2012 05:08:09 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2155 Star Wars and Aliens.) We analyze the film in relation to other Hitchcock thrillers, James Bond, and romances. And we discuss Cary Grant's suit and Hitch's taste in blondes and ridiculous plots. We examine the villains' plans and the good guys' plans. We ruminate on cold war methods of assassination (cropduster being most common, followed by knife throwing and poisoned suits). We discuss weird hotel services and whether or not Roger Ebert is wormhole alien. We take a close, hard look at the geography of Chicago, eastern Indiana, and Mount Rushmore. And we evaluate the likelihood of getting a drink on the Chicago Metra these days.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/12/commentary-north-by-northwest-with-cts/feed/ 0 2:21:06 Join me as well as Mike and Max of Commentary Track Stars as we watch another Hitchcock classic. Mike and I love it. Max doesn't like it much (Does Max like anything? Yes: Star Wars and Aliens.) We analyze the film in relation to other Hitchcock thr[...] Join me as well as Mike and Max of Commentary Track Stars as we watch another Hitchcock classic. Mike and I love it. Max doesn't like it much (Does Max like anything? Yes: Star Wars and Aliens.) We analyze the film in relation to other Hitchcock thrillers, James Bond, and romances. And we discuss Cary Grant's suit and Hitch's taste in blondes and ridiculous plots. We examine the villains' plans and the good guys' plans. We ruminate on cold war methods of assassination (cropduster being most common, followed by knife throwing and poisoned suits). We discuss weird hotel services and whether or not Roger Ebert is wormhole alien. We take a close, hard look at the geography of Chicago, eastern Indiana, and Mount Rushmore. And we evaluate the likelihood of getting a drink on the Chicago Metra these days. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x03-intro-to-film/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x03-intro-to-film/#comments Mon, 26 Nov 2012 05:08:31 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2163 Sofa Dogs to watch the third episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss Annie and Troy, casting younger, California pizza, and interwoven plots.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x03-intro-to-film/feed/ 0 0:23:14 Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the third episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss Annie and Troy, casting younger, California pizza, and interwoven plots. Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the third episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss Annie and Troy, casting younger, California pizza, and interwoven plots. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-tomorrow-never-dies/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-tomorrow-never-dies/#comments Mon, 19 Nov 2012 04:17:13 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2142 http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-tomorrow-never-dies/feed/ 0 2:00:11 Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan is on for a second go. This is one of my favorites, despite what anyone else might say. It does have its weaknesses, tho, and I explore both its strengths and failings right along. I love the action, the addition of [...] Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan is on for a second go. This is one of my favorites, despite what anyone else might say. It does have its weaknesses, tho, and I explore both its strengths and failings right along. I love the action, the addition of Wai-Lin, the music, and more. I don't care for Elliott Carver's plan all that much. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x02-spanish-101/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x02-spanish-101/#comments Mon, 12 Nov 2012 04:05:27 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2099 Sofa Dogs to watch the second episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss the general setup of the show and how the show differs from other sitcoms and why. We discuss Chang and his role in season 1 vs season 2.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x02-spanish-101/feed/ 0 0:22:36 Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the second episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss the general setup of the show and how the show differs from other sitcoms and why. We discuss Cha[...] Join me as I again join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the second episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss the general setup of the show and how the show differs from other sitcoms and why. We discuss Chang and his role in season 1 vs season 2. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x01-pilot/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x01-pilot/#comments Mon, 05 Nov 2012 04:02:37 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2092 Sofa Dogs to watch the pilot episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss the general setup of the show and how the show differs from other sitcoms and why. We discuss how we came to it, and how the characters have changed over the subsequent seasons.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/11/commentary-community-1x01-pilot/feed/ 0 0:26:43 Join me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the pilot episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss the general setup of the show and how the show differs from other sitcoms and why. We discuss how we cam[...] Join me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs to watch the pilot episode of Community, one of the best comedy television shows ever. We discuss the general setup of the show and how the show differs from other sitcoms and why. We discuss how we came to it, and how the characters have changed over the subsequent seasons. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-shaun-of-the-dead-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-shaun-of-the-dead-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 29 Oct 2012 04:02:12 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2134 Sofa Dogs and I embark on a close examination of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's ingenious zombie comedy. We spot a few of the references, but mostly talk about the fantastic acting, directing, and intricate writing that make this in my opinion and I think in John's a nearly perfect movie. We talk a little about other zombie movies and Edgar Wright movies and even other ensemble comedy movies along the way to enjoying the hell out of this flick. We're coming to get you, Barbara!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-shaun-of-the-dead-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 1:33:00 Join us! John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and I embark on a close examination of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's ingenious zombie comedy. We spot a few of the references, but mostly talk about the fantastic acting, directing, and intricate writing that make [...] Join us! John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and I embark on a close examination of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's ingenious zombie comedy. We spot a few of the references, but mostly talk about the fantastic acting, directing, and intricate writing that make this in my opinion and I think in John's a nearly perfect movie. We talk a little about other zombie movies and Edgar Wright movies and even other ensemble comedy movies along the way to enjoying the hell out of this flick. We're coming to get you, Barbara! Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-they-live/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-they-live/#comments Mon, 22 Oct 2012 04:06:37 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2123 http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-they-live/feed/ 0 1:33:00 Join me for John Carpenter's polemic against commercialism and rich people and aliens and stuff. Roddy Piper is a drifter looking for work in an economy racked by... consumerism? Keith David is an angry man who absolutely does not want to put on sun[...] Join me for John Carpenter's polemic against commercialism and rich people and aliens and stuff. Roddy Piper is a drifter looking for work in an economy racked by... consumerism? Keith David is an angry man who absolutely does not want to put on sunglasses NO MATTER WHAT. Meg Foster is the woman whose eyes will FREAK YOU OUT. I examine the rather heavy-handed themes (greed, for lack of a better word, is bad). I point out that John Carpenter might know more about horror than economics but isn't really showing off either one here. And I try to suggest that aliens, say, eating people might be more horrible than aliens selling us Lee Press-on Nails. But whatever, I like the movie a lot and rank it among my favorite Carpenter films. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-the-invisible-man/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-the-invisible-man/#comments Mon, 15 Oct 2012 04:04:09 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2111 http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-the-invisible-man/feed/ 0 1:15:16 Join me for the heart-warming tale of a scientist gone mad! A madman become invisible! An invisible man gone wild! It’s Claude Rains in James Whales’ 1933 classic The Invisible Man! I don’t really care for this picture beyond Rai[...] Join me for the heart-warming tale of a scientist gone mad! A madman become invisible! An invisible man gone wild! It’s Claude Rains in James Whales’ 1933 classic The Invisible Man! I don’t really care for this picture beyond Rains’ performance and Gloria Stuart’s sweet, sweet 1930s damsel act, but I try to have fun and not lament Una O’Connor or the camp humor too much. Watch as a man you can’t see minces around in nothing but a shirt! Gasp as the Invisible Man steals a bicycle! Thrill as he sleeps thru a phone call! Wonder why he doesn’t just put makeup on! Look interested while he explains how he can be detected! Try to stay awake while policemen meet to discuss what to do! And did I mention: montage! montage! montage! It’s not as bad as all that, but you be the judge. Start the commentary with the Carl Laemmle title card, on the countdown. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-vertigo-with-cts/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-vertigo-with-cts/#comments Mon, 08 Oct 2012 04:09:26 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2059 http://www.tysto.com/2012/10/commentary-vertigo-with-cts/feed/ 0 2:14:28 Join me and Mike of Commentary Track Stars as we take a dizzying look from the heights of one of, if not the, best of Hitchcock—best of anyone, according to some. Join me and Mike of Commentary Track Stars as we take a dizzying look from the heights of one of, if not the, best of Hitchcock—best of anyone, according to some. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/more-republicant-bumper-stickers/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/more-republicant-bumper-stickers/#comments Thu, 27 Sep 2012 04:26:58 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2074 http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/more-republicant-bumper-stickers/feed/ 0 http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/commentary-goldeneye/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/commentary-goldeneye/#comments Mon, 24 Sep 2012 04:06:04 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2023 still perfectly listenable, I assure you. We wax philosophical about Bonds, Bond girls, and tank chases, and generally have a good time watching one of our favorites. * Me. I— I screwed everything up. Sooo many times....]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/commentary-goldeneye/feed/ 2 2:07:34 Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan is the man. Join me and my guest Faldor as we work our way thru this very enjoyable entry. Unfortunately, Boris hacked into our computers and screwed everything up*, so the second half is kind of weird, but still per[...] Bond is back, and Pierce Brosnan is the man. Join me and my guest Faldor as we work our way thru this very enjoyable entry. Unfortunately, Boris hacked into our computers and screwed everything up*, so the second half is kind of weird, but still perfectly listenable, I assure you. We wax philosophical about Bonds, Bond girls, and tank chases, and generally have a good time watching one of our favorites. * Me. I— I screwed everything up. Sooo many times.... Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/republicant-bumper-stickers/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/republicant-bumper-stickers/#comments Fri, 21 Sep 2012 04:16:57 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2028 http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/republicant-bumper-stickers/feed/ 0 http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/commentary-minority-report-with-speakeasy/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/commentary-minority-report-with-speakeasy/#comments Mon, 10 Sep 2012 04:07:14 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2020 the Doctor and me for a long, hard look (with EYES, get it?) at Minority Report, the heartwarming story of a man who tries really hard not to get caught for a murder he hasn't yet committed and then escapes when he IS caught and blah, blah, blah, it's really long and looks like a commercial for itself. We both actually like the film but are turned off by different aspects of the film making and have a lot of fun puzzling out the twisty plot and mocking the ridiculous parts. Seriously: the eyeballs, am I right?]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/09/commentary-minority-report-with-speakeasy/feed/ 0 2:15:42 Join the Doctor and me for a long, hard look (with EYES, get it?) at Minority Report, the heartwarming story of a man who tries really hard not to get caught for a murder he hasn't yet committed and then escapes when he IS caught and blah, blah, bla[...] Join the Doctor and me for a long, hard look (with EYES, get it?) at Minority Report, the heartwarming story of a man who tries really hard not to get caught for a murder he hasn't yet committed and then escapes when he IS caught and blah, blah, blah, it's really long and looks like a commercial for itself. We both actually like the film but are turned off by different aspects of the film making and have a lot of fun puzzling out the twisty plot and mocking the ridiculous parts. Seriously: the eyeballs, am I right? Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-pink-five-saga/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-pink-five-saga/#comments Tue, 28 Aug 2012 03:50:24 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2013 http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-pink-five-saga/feed/ 0 0:43:32 Join me on a fun-filled journey to the stars with Stacy, the Rebel Alliance pilot and eventual jedi, and a few of her closest frenemies as she skirts the edges of the greatest sci fi epic of them all. I watch all four parts currently available. I sh[...] Join me on a fun-filled journey to the stars with Stacy, the Rebel Alliance pilot and eventual jedi, and a few of her closest frenemies as she skirts the edges of the greatest sci fi epic of them all. I watch all four parts currently available. I shill for Trey Stokes to get the final episode funded. I heap ridiculous amounts of praise on it from all angles. And I just generally gush about how funny and professional it is. It's kind of embarrassing, really. Go watch it now on PinkFive.com and contribute to the Kickstarter project! Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-fritz-langs-m/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-fritz-langs-m/#comments Mon, 20 Aug 2012 04:09:18 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=2007 http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-fritz-langs-m/feed/ 2 1:56:56 Join me for a moody stroll thru 1930 Berlin on the trail of a child murderer in Fritz Lang's fascinating (but not necessarily masterful) first talkie. Peter Lorre is the main attraction, supported by a cast of colorful characters. I examine the t[...] Join me for a moody stroll thru 1930 Berlin on the trail of a child murderer in Fritz Lang's fascinating (but not necessarily masterful) first talkie. Peter Lorre is the main attraction, supported by a cast of colorful characters. I examine the three basic ways to view the film (character piece, procedural, and parable on the dangers of vigilanteism). I examine where Lang may be fudging or unsure of what he wants to say. I suggest little improvements like "I would have done this all differently" and "I would have cut out this whole section of the film". And I praise Lorre's performance and the directing in general. I fail to note that the only music is whistling, and it's done only by the killer (famously), the lead detective, and the lead criminal. Why? No idea. Also, I fail to note that the film was shot in 1.2:1, which is kind of weirdly skinny. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-tucker-and-dale-vs-evil-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-tucker-and-dale-vs-evil-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 06 Aug 2012 04:10:24 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1998 Sofa Dogs and me for a look at Eli Craig's clever slasher-in-the-woods spoof. We examine Tucker; we examine Dale; and we examine Evil; and we like what we see (well, not Evil, so much). We don't have a lot of profound insights, but we do have a good time and learn a thing or two about who's who in Hollywood (and Canada).]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/08/commentary-tucker-and-dale-vs-evil-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 1:30:01 Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me for a look at Eli Craig's clever slasher-in-the-woods spoof. We examine Tucker; we examine Dale; and we examine Evil; and we like what we see (well, not Evil, so much). We don't have a lot of profound insights, [...] Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me for a look at Eli Craig's clever slasher-in-the-woods spoof. We examine Tucker; we examine Dale; and we examine Evil; and we like what we see (well, not Evil, so much). We don't have a lot of profound insights, but we do have a good time and learn a thing or two about who's who in Hollywood (and Canada). Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-batman-1989/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-batman-1989/#comments Mon, 30 Jul 2012 05:37:31 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1990 http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-batman-1989/feed/ 0 2:20:35 Batman is back! Keaton starts his role as Batman against the greatest villain he has ever known: Alexander Knox! I join Soulless Minions, Commentary Track Stars, and Geek Fights for a free-for-all. We mostly like the film but have a lot of fun with [...] Batman is back! Keaton starts his role as Batman against the greatest villain he has ever known: Alexander Knox! I join Soulless Minions, Commentary Track Stars, and Geek Fights for a free-for-all. We mostly like the film but have a lot of fun with its ridiculousness. Stay tuned for the post credits scenes. (TWO of them!) Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-watchmen/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-watchmen/#comments Mon, 23 Jul 2012 04:06:14 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1973 Watchmen. I've never read the comic book (apparently, they still made comic books for a while after 1984), but Max thinks it's the greatest thing since sliced Shakespeare, so we discuss the relevancy and point of even having a film. We deconstruct the story, themes, motifs, and symbolism. Max and I disagree over whether or not a human could catch a bullet, whether or not Superman could win the Vietnam War, and what Lee Iaccoca's role in the world was. I try to figure out if Ozymandias is gay and if Jackie Earl Haley qualifies as a dwarf. Max and Mike try to figure out how Rorschach's mask works. We all try to figure out what is meant to be satirical versus what is meant to be awesome and is actually kind of lame and also who is history's finest nine-fingered actor. Also, I quiz Mike and Max about other movies I am confusing with this one, but Mike nevertheless answers correctly. Max and I perform a play about gravity. Max angrily denounces Paul Verhoeven and Freepers as serial killers and sex offenders, respectively. Max reveals how he learned to tie a necktie. And Mike explains how two lines of the comic book fix the biggest thing that bothers me about the film.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-watchmen/feed/ 3 3:15:08 Join me as I join Mike and Max of Commentary Track Stars to watch Watchmen. I've never read the comic book (apparently, they still made comic books for a while after 1984), but Max thinks it's the greatest thing since sliced Shakespeare, so we discu[...] Join me as I join Mike and Max of Commentary Track Stars to watch Watchmen. I've never read the comic book (apparently, they still made comic books for a while after 1984), but Max thinks it's the greatest thing since sliced Shakespeare, so we discuss the relevancy and point of even having a film. We deconstruct the story, themes, motifs, and symbolism. Max and I disagree over whether or not a human could catch a bullet, whether or not Superman could win the Vietnam War, and what Lee Iaccoca's role in the world was. I try to figure out if Ozymandias is gay and if Jackie Earl Haley qualifies as a dwarf. Max and Mike try to figure out how Rorschach's mask works. We all try to figure out what is meant to be satirical versus what is meant to be awesome and is actually kind of lame and also who is history's finest nine-fingered actor. Also, I quiz Mike and Max about other movies I am confusing with this one, but Mike nevertheless answers correctly. Max and I perform a play about gravity. Max angrily denounces Paul Verhoeven and Freepers as serial killers and sex offenders, respectively. Max reveals how he learned to tie a necktie. And Mike explains how two lines of the comic book fix the biggest thing that bothers me about the film. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-batman-returns/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-batman-returns/#comments Mon, 16 Jul 2012 05:03:03 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1968 Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Raw Deal, Yojimbo, and The Beautician and the Beast (not really, but I should have). I suddenly notice that Bond has sex with Pam. I question Cubby Broccoli's motives for "testing out" a see-thru swimsuit. I heap praise on it in nearly every respect, but I still don't like it, BUT I admit that I'm probably being unfair, so your mileage may vary.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-batman-returns/feed/ 0 2:13:58 Batman is back! This time, Josh of Soulless Minions and Mike and Max of Commentary Track Stars take us on a dark and twisted fairy tale to Tim Burton's Gotham City, where penguins inhabit sewers and mystical cats roam alleyways freely. We like th[...] Batman is back! This time, Josh of Soulless Minions and Mike and Max of Commentary Track Stars take us on a dark and twisted fairy tale to Tim Burton's Gotham City, where penguins inhabit sewers and mystical cats roam alleyways freely. We like the film better than the Schumacher films, but no one likes it as much as I do. It's my favorite of the four. Why are we doing them in reverse order? Because WE'RE CRAZY. Not crazy enough to run around in leather and vinyl, fighting crime, but pretty crazy. I compare the film to Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Raw Deal, Yojimbo, and The Beautician and the Beast (not really, but I should have). I suddenly notice that Bond has sex with Pam. I question Cubby Broccoli's motives for "testing out" a see-thru swimsuit. I heap praise on it in nearly every respect, but I still don't like it, BUT I admit that I'm probably being unfair, so your mileage may vary. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-green-lantern/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-green-lantern/#comments Mon, 09 Jul 2012 05:10:53 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1965 Hellboy, a racial stereotype, and an incredibly rude Jedi master are the worst instructors in the galaxy, so he lays down his gun and badge and quits the galactic police force! HA! No, seriously, he totally keeps the gun and badge.... And then—stuff!—and some chit chat, etc. 5-6-7-8-aaaaaand I'm spent.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/07/commentary-green-lantern/feed/ 0 1:49:06 Join me as I watch Green Lantern for the first time. I marvel as video game characters talk to each other with bad lip sync and an alien gives power limited only by the imagination to a patently irresponsible guy with no imagination. I suggest that [...] Join me as I watch Green Lantern for the first time. I marvel as video game characters talk to each other with bad lip sync and an alien gives power limited only by the imagination to a patently irresponsible guy with no imagination. I suggest that 24 is a little young for a woman to become a defense contractor executive. And I boldly imply that character development doesn't consist of various characters simply saying the same words at each other over and over. ("Are you scared, because... your dad, you know?") But Ryan Slightly-Grizzled Reynolds powers thru the pain. The fish guy from Hellboy, a racial stereotype, and an incredibly rude Jedi master are the worst instructors in the galaxy, so he lays down his gun and badge and quits the galactic police force! HA! No, seriously, he totally keeps the gun and badge.... And then—stuff!—and some chit chat, etc. 5-6-7-8-aaaaaand I'm spent. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-licence-to-kill/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-licence-to-kill/#comments Mon, 25 Jun 2012 04:19:03 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1953 Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Raw Deal, Yojimbo, and The Beautician and the Beast (not really, but I should have). I suddenly notice that Bond has sex with Pam. I question Cubby Broccoli's motives for "testing out" a see-thru swimsuit. I heap praise on it in nearly every respect, but I still don't like it, BUT I admit that I'm probably being unfair, so your mileage may vary.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-licence-to-kill/feed/ 0 2:14:46 Bond is back, and Timothy Dalton is here to stay! (Until the end of the movie.) It's the end of an era, with John Barry already gone, Cubby Broccoli on his way out, and a new Bond, M, Moneypenny, director, and writers waiting in the wings. It's an a[...] Bond is back, and Timothy Dalton is here to stay! (Until the end of the movie.) It's the end of an era, with John Barry already gone, Cubby Broccoli on his way out, and a new Bond, M, Moneypenny, director, and writers waiting in the wings. It's an action-packed, adrenaline-fueled, revenge tale like no other (except for every other '80s action movie). The stunts are spectacular, the villains are unsavory, and the girls are absolutely to die for. I compare the film to Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Raw Deal, Yojimbo, and The Beautician and the Beast (not really, but I should have). I suddenly notice that Bond has sex with Pam. I question Cubby Broccoli's motives for "testing out" a see-thru swimsuit. I heap praise on it in nearly every respect, but I still don't like it, BUT I admit that I'm probably being unfair, so your mileage may vary. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-raw-deal/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-raw-deal/#comments Mon, 11 Jun 2012 04:12:57 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1928 http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-raw-deal/feed/ 0 1:49:33 Arnold Schwarzenegger is back in all his 1980s glory! He's at the height of his killing/quipping powers and ready to— okay, I can't kid you. There's a reason why you and I have never seen this, and it's because it stinks. Join me anyway as I watch f[...] Arnold Schwarzenegger is back in all his 1980s glory! He's at the height of his killing/quipping powers and ready to— okay, I can't kid you. There's a reason why you and I have never seen this, and it's because it stinks. Join me anyway as I watch for the first time and fill this gap in the Schwarzenegger ouevre. I pick out my favorite quip, revel in the intriguing setup, and marvel at the sets and suits. I identify many of the actors and their cars. I shake my head at the weird plotting. And I accuse Arnold of being a mass murderer. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-batman-forever/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-batman-forever/#comments Mon, 04 Jun 2012 04:11:29 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1937 Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy and Mike from Commentary Tracks Stars as we lament the awfulness of Joel Schumacher's Batman Forever. We don't have quite the fun we had with Batman & Robin, but there's plenty to discuss. We note most of the costume changes (and reel changes), compare the film to others in the Batman collection, and speculate on what might have been and what might be in the store for Batman in the future.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/06/commentary-batman-forever/feed/ 0 2:06:48 Join me as I again join Josh from Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy and Mike from Commentary Tracks Stars as we lament the awfulness of Joel Schumacher's Batman Forever. We don't have quite the fun we had with Batman & Robin, but there's plenty to d[...] Join me as I again join Josh from Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy and Mike from Commentary Tracks Stars as we lament the awfulness of Joel Schumacher's Batman Forever. We don't have quite the fun we had with Batman & Robin, but there's plenty to discuss. We note most of the costume changes (and reel changes), compare the film to others in the Batman collection, and speculate on what might have been and what might be in the store for Batman in the future. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-men-in-black/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-men-in-black/#comments Mon, 28 May 2012 04:08:22 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1943 Sofa Dogs and me as we relax with an old favorite. Men in Black 3 is in the theaters, so we nod our heads along with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the original. Often imitated (I'm looking at you, Hellboy), never duplicated, it's a modern classic—all the more remarkable for being rewritten on the fly and helmed by the hit-or-miss Barry Sonnenfeld. We talk about Smith and Jones and Sonnenfeld's other films, discuss the sequel, and marvel at the cast in general. I call it a nearly nearly perfect film, and we analyze what makes us hold back on the unconditional love.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-men-in-black/feed/ 0 1:36:54 Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we relax with an old favorite. Men in Black 3 is in the theaters, so we nod our heads along with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the original. Often imitated (I'm looking at you, Hellboy), never duplicated,[...] Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we relax with an old favorite. Men in Black 3 is in the theaters, so we nod our heads along with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the original. Often imitated (I'm looking at you, Hellboy), never duplicated, it's a modern classic—all the more remarkable for being rewritten on the fly and helmed by the hit-or-miss Barry Sonnenfeld. We talk about Smith and Jones and Sonnenfeld's other films, discuss the sequel, and marvel at the cast in general. I call it a nearly nearly perfect film, and we analyze what makes us hold back on the unconditional love. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-harry-potter-7-hallows-2/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-harry-potter-7-hallows-2/#comments Mon, 21 May 2012 04:11:53 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1908 http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-harry-potter-7-hallows-2/feed/ 3 2:15:44 IT ALL ENDS in a grand assault on Hogwarts that is in no way like Lord of the Rings! It's a terrific, emotional ending to a terrific series. However, once again, I lament setup-and-payoff issues. I lament Snape's worthless death and Harry's nonsensi[...] IT ALL ENDS in a grand assault on Hogwarts that is in no way like Lord of the Rings! It's a terrific, emotional ending to a terrific series. However, once again, I lament setup-and-payoff issues. I lament Snape's worthless death and Harry's nonsensical non-death. And I lament plot ellipses (they're not holes if they are explained in the book) and propose new endings and variants of key scenes that would make them stronger (YMMV). I compare the film to the Indiana Jones movies and The Wizard of Oz, and I compare The Wizard of Oz to Shakespeare. I accuse Harry of being illiterate. I also decide who gets to graduate. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/uk-vs-us-spelling/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/uk-vs-us-spelling/#comments Wed, 16 May 2012 05:53:18 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1917 http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/uk-vs-us-spelling/feed/ 28 http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-the-living-daylights/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-the-living-daylights/#comments Mon, 07 May 2012 04:10:29 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1893 http://www.tysto.com/2012/05/commentary-the-living-daylights/feed/ 0 2:11:51 Bond is back, and he's played this time by Timothy Dalton! It's a terrific entry in the series, with spectacular stunts and little that it dumb and cheesy. Maryam d'Abo is the cellist/sniper/freedom fighter/pilot of his dreams—which is good because [...] Bond is back, and he's played this time by Timothy Dalton! It's a terrific entry in the series, with spectacular stunts and little that it dumb and cheesy. Maryam d'Abo is the cellist/sniper/freedom fighter/pilot of his dreams—which is good because she's the only beddable female in the film unless you count a much younger and hotter Moneypenny and Pushkin's girlfriend, who suffers terribly considering that she's completely innocent. He's helped along by old friends Felix Leiter and Stewie Griffin. However, I bemoan the rather clownish villains. I point out that Bond helping out Kamran Shah against reasonable and affable Russians might not be the wisest strategy. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-harry-potter-7-hallows-1/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-harry-potter-7-hallows-1/#comments Mon, 23 Apr 2012 04:44:18 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1880 http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-harry-potter-7-hallows-1/feed/ 0 2:18:50 At last Harry Potter leaves the stifling confines of the musty old castle and takes to the great outdoors! For ages and ages and ages while nothing happens. Join me as I try to make the best of it, but ultimately this is one of my least favorites of[...] At last Harry Potter leaves the stifling confines of the musty old castle and takes to the great outdoors! For ages and ages and ages while nothing happens. Join me as I try to make the best of it, but ultimately this is one of my least favorites of the series because there's so little actual plot at the same time that there is so little actual drama. I discuss themes (or the lack thereof), the romance (or lack thereof), motivations, the pleasant development of the actors, and the really good infiltration of the Ministry sequence. But I mostly complain about how Hermione does practically EVERYTHING even at this point, when Harry should be stepping up as hero. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-rear-window-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-rear-window-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 16 Apr 2012 04:08:02 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1872 Rear Window. It's a heartbreaking tale of an impotent old man and his ravishing young girlfriend, who can't help but stare into the lives of a lonely woman, a pair of newlyweds, an older married couple, a frustrated composer, an oddball sculptor, and a wholesale jewelry salesman. Thrill to the dinner scene! Cower at the massage scene! Flutter at the Edith Head fashion show! Somehow, Alfred Hitchcock manages to keep us interested and even make us shake with fear without ever showing something so crass and common as a murder. It's one of our favorites, and we have a great time!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-rear-window-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 1:53:46 Join me and John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs as we peer fixedly thru Rear Window. It's a heartbreaking tale of an impotent old man and his ravishing young girlfriend, who can't help but stare into the lives of a lonely woman, a pair of newlyweds, an older [...] Join me and John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs as we peer fixedly thru Rear Window. It's a heartbreaking tale of an impotent old man and his ravishing young girlfriend, who can't help but stare into the lives of a lonely woman, a pair of newlyweds, an older married couple, a frustrated composer, an oddball sculptor, and a wholesale jewelry salesman. Thrill to the dinner scene! Cower at the massage scene! Flutter at the Edith Head fashion show! Somehow, Alfred Hitchcock manages to keep us interested and even make us shake with fear without ever showing something so crass and common as a murder. It's one of our favorites, and we have a great time! Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-2-headed-shark-attack/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-2-headed-shark-attack/#comments Mon, 09 Apr 2012 04:06:32 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1867 watertight!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/04/commentary-2-headed-shark-attack/feed/ 0 1:28:01 The Asylum attacks! It's a two-headed shark, Carmen Electra, Charlie O'Connell, Brooke Hogan, and a cast of shark fodder. Along the way, I express bafflement at the purpose of the expedition, I root against certain characters, I call Charlie O'Conne[...] The Asylum attacks! It's a two-headed shark, Carmen Electra, Charlie O'Connell, Brooke Hogan, and a cast of shark fodder. Along the way, I express bafflement at the purpose of the expedition, I root against certain characters, I call Charlie O'Connell a wuss (and, multiple times, Jerry—sorry), I try to rewrite the story as a JJ Abrams project, and I come up with an idea for a sequel. Overall, I'm solidly not as disappointed as I could have been. It's fun in the sun "hundreds" of miles away from anywhere with a gratuitous topless scene and lots of bikinis. Who am I to complain? And, after watching it again, I realize that nearly all the questions I had are actually answered in the film. This screenplay is watertight! Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-harry-potter-6-prince/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-harry-potter-6-prince/#comments Mon, 26 Mar 2012 04:09:57 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1863 http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-harry-potter-6-prince/feed/ 0 2:28:29 Harry Potter takes a back seat to love and Malfoy in this, the sixth of the eight films. Join me as I over-analyze the goings on and giggle at the smooching. I suggest that Snape and Wormtail could make a good sitcom and that Dumbledore might be enc[...] Harry Potter takes a back seat to love and Malfoy in this, the sixth of the eight films. Join me as I over-analyze the goings on and giggle at the smooching. I suggest that Snape and Wormtail could make a good sitcom and that Dumbledore might be encouraging Harry to get a girl pregnant. Luckily, Harry is so thick-headed that he doesn't get that hint... or any other. I discuss the theme and Harry's development thruout the previous films. I complain that Harry doesn't actually do much investigating and that the B plot doesn't reinforce the A plot. And I warn wizards that they could wind up like magical Amish people. But I like this move at least as much as pretty much any of the others for its marvelous control of tone and atmosphere. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-the-mechanic-1972/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-the-mechanic-1972/#comments Mon, 12 Mar 2012 04:38:26 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1822 another fun-filled dive into the world of existentialist hit men and the philosophy and tools of their trade. It's Charles Bronson as the master and Jan Michael Vincent as his lovely leading lady and protege. Thrill to the dialog-free opening 15 minutes! Be electrified by the amazing house, gadgets, and cars! Be weirded out by the suicide-as-spectator-sport sequence! I compare the film to Day of the Jackal, James Bond films, other Bronson films, and Air Wolf. I evaluate the effectiveness of being meticulous against the actual results Arthur achieves. And I occasionally wish that Jan Michael Vincent was a girl and that the girls in the movie could act.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-the-mechanic-1972/feed/ 3 1:50:25 Join me for another fun-filled dive into the world of existentialist hit men and the philosophy and tools of their trade. It's Charles Bronson as the master and Jan Michael Vincent as his lovely leading lady and protege. Thrill to the dialog-free op[...] Join me for another fun-filled dive into the world of existentialist hit men and the philosophy and tools of their trade. It's Charles Bronson as the master and Jan Michael Vincent as his lovely leading lady and protege. Thrill to the dialog-free opening 15 minutes! Be electrified by the amazing house, gadgets, and cars! Be weirded out by the suicide-as-spectator-sport sequence! I compare the film to Day of the Jackal, James Bond films, other Bronson films, and Air Wolf. I evaluate the effectiveness of being meticulous against the actual results Arthur achieves. And I occasionally wish that Jan Michael Vincent was a girl and that the girls in the movie could act. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-star-trek-v-with-speakeasy/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-star-trek-v-with-speakeasy/#comments Mon, 05 Mar 2012 04:19:24 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1836 the Doctor for another journey to the stars, this time to find God Himself. The Doctor takes away all my pain and yours to, if you'll only join him in his insane quest to do commentaries for all the Star Trek movies. We discuss the wisdom of Shatner getting to direct just because Nimoy got to direct, the likelihood that Kirk is the source of most of the pain on the Enterprise, the likelihood that I would fall for the old fan dance trick, and much, much more!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/03/commentary-star-trek-v-with-speakeasy/feed/ 0 1:42:43 At last, I rejoin the Doctor for another journey to the stars, this time to find God Himself. The Doctor takes away all my pain and yours to, if you'll only join him in his insane quest to do commentaries for all the Star Trek movies. We discuss [...] At last, I rejoin the Doctor for another journey to the stars, this time to find God Himself. The Doctor takes away all my pain and yours to, if you'll only join him in his insane quest to do commentaries for all the Star Trek movies. We discuss the wisdom of Shatner getting to direct just because Nimoy got to direct, the likelihood that Kirk is the source of most of the pain on the Enterprise, the likelihood that I would fall for the old fan dance trick, and much, much more! Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-harry-potter-5-order/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-harry-potter-5-order/#comments Mon, 27 Feb 2012 04:19:22 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1819 Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, which are not inconsiderable. Oh, and I once again get Jesus and Moses mixed up. Cut me some slack; they both wore beards and robes and were almost killed as babies.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-harry-potter-5-order/feed/ 2 2:18:44 Harry Potter is again on the docket! Watch along with me as I examine what passes for justice in the wizarding world, what passes for teaching in the mind of Dolores Umbridge, and what passes for romance at Hogwarts (one kiss and a pat on the should[...] Harry Potter is again on the docket! Watch along with me as I examine what passes for justice in the wizarding world, what passes for teaching in the mind of Dolores Umbridge, and what passes for romance at Hogwarts (one kiss and a pat on the shoulder). This is my least favorite of the Potter films, solely because of Umbridge, but I try to stay positive and focus on the totally sweet training montage and final battles. Okay, maybe I also hate the prophecy stuff and the parts which feel a lot like Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, which are not inconsiderable. Oh, and I once again get Jesus and Moses mixed up. Cut me some slack; they both wore beards and robes and were almost killed as babies. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-the-dark-knight/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-the-dark-knight/#comments Mon, 20 Feb 2012 04:24:15 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1844 Sofa Dogs and me for the second of Christopher Nolan's Batmen! We judge it to be the best of breed, with a tour de force performance from Heath Ledger. We discuss plot depth and stuff, like how much of a racist I am (apparently a lot). We debate whether it is a mushy in the middle and which Robertses and Gyllenhaals we can do without. And we agree that this movie would be great with or without a dude dressed as a bat. Also, we consider Milla Jovovich as Catwoman and Bruce Willis as the Penguin or somebody to try to reunite them with Gary Oldman and Tiny Lister from The 5th Element. Here's some more: Ian Holm as Mr. Freeze and Chris Tucker as that dude Liberace played in the old TV show!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-the-dark-knight/feed/ 0 2:30:27 Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me for the second of Christopher Nolan's Batmen! We judge it to be the best of breed, with a tour de force performance from Heath Ledger. We discuss plot depth and stuff, like how much of a racist I am (apparently [...] Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me for the second of Christopher Nolan's Batmen! We judge it to be the best of breed, with a tour de force performance from Heath Ledger. We discuss plot depth and stuff, like how much of a racist I am (apparently a lot). We debate whether it is a mushy in the middle and which Robertses and Gyllenhaals we can do without. And we agree that this movie would be great with or without a dude dressed as a bat. Also, we consider Milla Jovovich as Catwoman and Bruce Willis as the Penguin or somebody to try to reunite them with Gary Oldman and Tiny Lister from The 5th Element. Here's some more: Ian Holm as Mr. Freeze and Chris Tucker as that dude Liberace played in the old TV show! Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-scooby-doo-on-zombie-island/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-scooby-doo-on-zombie-island/#comments Mon, 13 Feb 2012 04:02:26 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1830 http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-scooby-doo-on-zombie-island/feed/ 0 1:18:53 Join me as I join Mystery, Inc. for a stroll thru my childhood WITH ZOMBIES. It's Scooby-Doo and the gang reunited in 1998's return to form, even if the voices are slightly wonky. Everybody but Fred had been replaced at this point, and they've chang[...] Join me as I join Mystery, Inc. for a stroll thru my childhood WITH ZOMBIES. It's Scooby-Doo and the gang reunited in 1998's return to form, even if the voices are slightly wonky. Everybody but Fred had been replaced at this point, and they've changed clothes and jobs, but HEY! It's Scooby-Doo! And there's no damned Scrappy! I compare the film to the original series, to other Hanna-Barbara cartoons of the era (Speed Buggy, Jabber Jaw, Josie and the Pussycats). I talk about the current and original voice actors and their other work. Plus, I do a Frank Welker impression! (That's what I was doing at the beginning there, when I was talking about "special guest stars". It was actually Frank Welker doing Gregory Peck and/or Nibbler.) Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-harry-potter-4-goblet/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-harry-potter-4-goblet/#comments Mon, 06 Feb 2012 04:06:27 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1808 http://www.tysto.com/2012/02/commentary-harry-potter-4-goblet/feed/ 0 2:25:28 Harry Potter is back! Join me as we watch him on the Jumbotron, competing in the Quadwizard Tournament against dragons, dancing, merfolk, and bushes. I explore Dumbledore's willful mispronunciations, Ron's many alternatives to going to the ball in a[...] Harry Potter is back! Join me as we watch him on the Jumbotron, competing in the Quadwizard Tournament against dragons, dancing, merfolk, and bushes. I explore Dumbledore's willful mispronunciations, Ron's many alternatives to going to the ball in a costume rejected by Jon Pertwee, and the likelihood of what appears to be half a dozen Death Eaters terrorizing what seems to be 100,000 or so wizards at the Quidditch World Cup. I again ask the question "Why does any of this happen?" I put forth a clear and concise alternative for Barty Crouch, Junior's ridiculous plan. I propose an explanation as to why the tournament must go on. I maintain my theory that Filch and Mrs. Norris are married. And I explore the possibility that Hermione gave the big V to Viktor, if you know what I mean. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-3-prisoner/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-3-prisoner/#comments Mon, 30 Jan 2012 04:37:26 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1800 http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-3-prisoner/feed/ 2 2:11:33 It's Harry Potter, back for a third helping of myth, magic, teen angst, and lots and lots of chocolate! I walk thru the structure of the story, character motivations, and time travel theories. I wonder who needs a permission slip to go shopping but [...] It's Harry Potter, back for a third helping of myth, magic, teen angst, and lots and lots of chocolate! I walk thru the structure of the story, character motivations, and time travel theories. I wonder who needs a permission slip to go shopping but not to fly around in a thunderstorm. I ask the musical question "Why does any of this happen?" And I worry about illegal boggart abuse. I try to figure out the story-behind-the-story to understand what Lupin and Black are thinking and come up confused and bewildered. I wonder if there is a little homosexual subtext to go with the homosexual text. And I worry that Hermione, like Buckbeak, is going to be sentenced to death for striking a Malfoy. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-a-view-to-a-kill/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-a-view-to-a-kill/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 04:12:47 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1793 http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-a-view-to-a-kill/feed/ 1 2:11:38 Roger Moore is back for his last rodeo as James Bond! It's a rather slow, somewhat dull, kind of haphazard adventure filled with lovely women and also Grace Jones! Honestly, there's not a lot to say about this one. The whole formula is a bit tire[...] Roger Moore is back for his last rodeo as James Bond! It's a rather slow, somewhat dull, kind of haphazard adventure filled with lovely women and also Grace Jones! Honestly, there's not a lot to say about this one. The whole formula is a bit tired and threadbare. I try to make the best of it and have fun by noting how stopping a guy who is making EMP-proof chips available to the world is kind of a jerk goal for British Intelligence. I point out how Zorin is awfully clumsy about keeping his activities quiet when he puts his name on every chip and has them packed for shipping in his basement. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/new-years-resolution-requests/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/new-years-resolution-requests/#comments Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:54:05 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1813 http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/new-years-resolution-requests/feed/ 0 http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-2-chamber/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-2-chamber/#comments Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:39:00 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1772 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I like this film second or third best of the series, but that doesn't mean I cut it any slack. (Actually, I think I cut it slack on at least two occasions.) I again analyze the plot and compare it to myths and folklore. I admire the structure and pacing. And I wonder why NO ADULTS ARE INVESTIGATING THESE TERRIFYING EVENTS.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-2-chamber/feed/ 2 2:34:20 Join me for the second leap into fantastic adventures of puddles of water and CGI spiders and cars that act silly as I watch and comment on Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I like this film second or third best of the series, but that doesn'[...] Join me for the second leap into fantastic adventures of puddles of water and CGI spiders and cars that act silly as I watch and comment on Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I like this film second or third best of the series, but that doesn't mean I cut it any slack. (Actually, I think I cut it slack on at least two occasions.) I again analyze the plot and compare it to myths and folklore. I admire the structure and pacing. And I wonder why NO ADULTS ARE INVESTIGATING THESE TERRIFYING EVENTS. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-1-stone/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-1-stone/#comments Mon, 09 Jan 2012 04:43:32 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1760 http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-harry-potter-1-stone/feed/ 0 2:33:02 Join me in for the first step into the magical world of British character actors, child-sized horror mystery, and wild swings of tone as I watch and comment on Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I like the series quite a lot and this film is no [...] Join me in for the first step into the magical world of British character actors, child-sized horror mystery, and wild swings of tone as I watch and comment on Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I like the series quite a lot and this film is no exception. Your mileage may vary. I've never read any of the books, so I stick almost entirely to exploration of the movies. But I analyze the plot and compare it to myths and folklore and the other films in the series. I compare the characters here with their development (or lack thereof—or even regression) in the later films. And I touch on visual effects, consistency, setup-and-payoff, and mommy logic. Entertainment Tysto.com clean no http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-batman-robin/ http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-batman-robin/#comments Mon, 02 Jan 2012 04:03:32 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1788 Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy, Mike and Damon from Geek Fights, and (about 90 minutes in) Mike from Commentary Tracks Stars as we celebrate the awfulness of Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin. Josh is ambivalent (in that he can barely stand it). I praise the set design and remain staunchly in denial of any gay subtext. Mike and Damon profess love that sours over the course of film. And CTS Mike just despises it. Over all, we have a great deal of fun with it. I quote my 8-year-old nephew a few times. We speculate on superhero Donald Trump and Richard Branson. We try to figure out how a 21-year-old Barbara has a mother who was young in the 1940s. We wonder why Bane is even in this movie. And we marvel that Mr. Freeze's suit is powered by puns.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2012/01/commentary-batman-robin/feed/ 0 2:10:38 Join me as I join Josh from Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy, Mike and Damon from Geek Fights, and (about 90 minutes in) Mike from Commentary Tracks Stars as we celebrate the awfulness of Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin. Josh is ambivalent (in th[...] Join me as I join Josh from Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy, Mike and Damon from Geek Fights, and (about 90 minutes in) Mike from Commentary Tracks Stars as we celebrate the awfulness of Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin. Josh is ambivalent (in that he can barely stand it). I praise the set design and remain staunchly in denial of any gay subtext. Mike and Damon profess love that sours over the course of film. And CTS Mike just despises it. Over all, we have a great deal of fun with it. I quote my 8-year-old nephew a few times. We speculate on superhero Donald Trump and Richard Branson. We try to figure out how a 21-year-old Barbara has a mother who was young in the 1940s. We wonder why Bane is even in this movie. And we marvel that Mr. Freeze's suit is powered by puns. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-gattaca-with-soulless-minions-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-gattaca-with-soulless-minions-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 19 Dec 2011 04:03:41 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1755 Gattaca. We compare it to Niccol's later films, discuss performances and art direction, and analyze the plot. We have varying degrees of respect for the movie, but none of us hate it.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-gattaca-with-soulless-minions-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 1:50:48 Josh and John are back again for another three-commentator commentary, this time for Andrew Niccol's Gattaca. We compare it to Niccol's later films, discuss performances and art direction, and analyze the plot. We have varying degrees of respect for[...] Josh and John are back again for another three-commentator commentary, this time for Andrew Niccol's Gattaca. We compare it to Niccol's later films, discuss performances and art direction, and analyze the plot. We have varying degrees of respect for the movie, but none of us hate it. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-batman-begins/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-batman-begins/#comments Mon, 12 Dec 2011 04:50:39 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1743 The Dark Knight. We talk Batman comic books, other Nolan movies, Joker vs Scarecrow, Scarecrow vs Falcone, Britons vs Americans, and Holmes vs Gyllenhaal.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-batman-begins/feed/ 0 2:21:02 Join John Pavlich and me for the first of Christopher Nolan's Batmen and thrill to the excitement of flashbacks(!) and training sequences(!) and more (but not a lot more). We both like the film, but maybe not as much as we did when before seeing The[...] Join John Pavlich and me for the first of Christopher Nolan's Batmen and thrill to the excitement of flashbacks(!) and training sequences(!) and more (but not a lot more). We both like the film, but maybe not as much as we did when before seeing The Dark Knight. We talk Batman comic books, other Nolan movies, Joker vs Scarecrow, Scarecrow vs Falcone, Britons vs Americans, and Holmes vs Gyllenhaal. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-terminator-2/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-terminator-2/#comments Mon, 05 Dec 2011 04:05:23 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1508 http://www.tysto.com/2011/12/commentary-terminator-2/feed/ 0 2:16:37 Join me for a trip thru one of the greatest action movies of all time. It's the heartwarming story of a boy and his robot and his mom living off the fat of the land and blowing stuff up, driving like crazy people, and shooting guns ineffectively. [...] Join me for a trip thru one of the greatest action movies of all time. It's the heartwarming story of a boy and his robot and his mom living off the fat of the land and blowing stuff up, driving like crazy people, and shooting guns ineffectively. I examine the themes and visual motifs, discuss James Cameron in general, and compare the film to the original and other sequels and to other films. I temporarily misidentify a car (heaven forbid!), and stumble thru discussion of theme and motif, and speculate on where the rest of the original terminator skeleton got to. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-big-trouble-in-little-china/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-big-trouble-in-little-china/#comments Mon, 28 Nov 2011 04:12:32 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1737 Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, Bruce Lee movies, and other John Carpenter movies. We gush like schoolgirls at times, and agree that the film is virtually if not actually nearly perfect.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-big-trouble-in-little-china/feed/ 0 1:44:08 There's big trouble brewing in Chinatown! Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we go into the tunnels under San Francisco to fight David Lo Pan and retrieve the lovely Miao Yin and Gracie Law! In this impromptu commentary, we discuss the film's [...] There's big trouble brewing in Chinatown! Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we go into the tunnels under San Francisco to fight David Lo Pan and retrieve the lovely Miao Yin and Gracie Law! In this impromptu commentary, we discuss the film's origins in pulp fiction and connections to Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, Bruce Lee movies, and other John Carpenter movies. We gush like schoolgirls at times, and agree that the film is virtually if not actually nearly perfect. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-machete/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-machete/#comments Mon, 21 Nov 2011 04:08:31 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1627 http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-machete/feed/ 0 1:43:15 Danny Trejo IS Machete, the hard-charging illegal immigrant of your nightmares. Robert DeNiro is the Italian/Irish/Texan state senator. Jessica Alba is the the superhot tight-pantsed Immigration agent. Michelle Rodriguez (no relation to our co-direc[...] Danny Trejo IS Machete, the hard-charging illegal immigrant of your nightmares. Robert DeNiro is the Italian/Irish/Texan state senator. Jessica Alba is the the superhot tight-pantsed Immigration agent. Michelle Rodriguez (no relation to our co-director Robert) is the superhot taco truck lady! And that guy who is always a villain in these kinds of movies is the villain in this movie! Join me as I watch it for the first time and narrate the bloody mess! Also! Don Johnson! Steven Seagal! Cheech Marin! Tom Savini! It's completely ridiculous how many famous actors are crammed into this movie! Except Devon Aoki! That is NOT—repeat NOT—Devon Aoki! I almost forgot Lindsey Lohan! Who gets naked! As do other ladies, some more and some less full-frontally! Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-galaxy-quest/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-galaxy-quest/#comments Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:04:42 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1723 John of Sofa Dogs and Josh of Soulless Minions! We love the film, the cast, Star Trek, and pretty much everything else, so join us for the fun! We analyze the Trek and other sci-fi references, the careful setup and payoff of the screenplay, and how the effects hold up even from yea-back in 1999. John talks about his Brush With Shatner, Josh brings the hardcore Trek nerdery, and I invent the word "blusterbuss" (tm).]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-galaxy-quest/feed/ 1 1:37:06 It's an all-star commentary with myself, John of Sofa Dogs and Josh of Soulless Minions! We love the film, the cast, Star Trek, and pretty much everything else, so join us for the fun! We analyze the Trek and other sci-fi references, the careful set[...] It's an all-star commentary with myself, John of Sofa Dogs and Josh of Soulless Minions! We love the film, the cast, Star Trek, and pretty much everything else, so join us for the fun! We analyze the Trek and other sci-fi references, the careful setup and payoff of the screenplay, and how the effects hold up even from yea-back in 1999. John talks about his Brush With Shatner, Josh brings the hardcore Trek nerdery, and I invent the word "blusterbuss" (tm). Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-never-say-never-again/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-never-say-never-again/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 04:15:05 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1692 http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/commentary-never-say-never-again/feed/ 3 2:23:00 Bond is back and Connery is playing him! It's the one-off Thunderball remake of sorts that comes, as all great things do, courtesy of a contentious lawsuit. It's the goulash of Bond films, with a little of everything and all, surprisingly, in about [...] Bond is back and Connery is playing him! It's the one-off Thunderball remake of sorts that comes, as all great things do, courtesy of a contentious lawsuit. It's the goulash of Bond films, with a little of everything and all, surprisingly, in about the right measure. The music is bad but the gadgets are good, the babes are bodacious, and the villain is batshit crazy with a hint of whimsy. I analyze the differences and striking similarities in the structure and plotting, compare it to other Bond films, assess the Bondiness of Connery's 12-years-later Bond, and question why he's now working for the Jackal. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/numbers-2-most-popular-tysto-commentaries/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/numbers-2-most-popular-tysto-commentaries/#comments Fri, 04 Nov 2011 17:50:37 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1718 http://www.tysto.com/2011/11/numbers-2-most-popular-tysto-commentaries/feed/ 0 http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-dinocroc/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-dinocroc/#comments Mon, 31 Oct 2011 04:09:49 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1606 Dinocroc. Join me if you dare as I cue this baby up and watch it for the first time. Thrill to the shadowy swamps! Tremble as the monster stalks its prey (again and again and again)! Shimmy as the Scooby-Doo trap is sprung! I get my superhot-women-with-serpentine-features mixed up (and give my recommendations for worm-based Scottish folk rock). I compare the film to all the usual suspects and desperately try to have fun with it in general. It's no Sharktopus, but it will have to do.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-dinocroc/feed/ 0 1:28:05 Roger Corman is back, and he brought Dinocroc with him! It's the 2004 monster movie Dinocroc. Join me if you dare as I cue this baby up and watch it for the first time. Thrill to the shadowy swamps! Tremble as the monster stalks its prey (again and[...] Roger Corman is back, and he brought Dinocroc with him! It's the 2004 monster movie Dinocroc. Join me if you dare as I cue this baby up and watch it for the first time. Thrill to the shadowy swamps! Tremble as the monster stalks its prey (again and again and again)! Shimmy as the Scooby-Doo trap is sprung! I get my superhot-women-with-serpentine-features mixed up (and give my recommendations for worm-based Scottish folk rock). I compare the film to all the usual suspects and desperately try to have fun with it in general. It's no Sharktopus, but it will have to do. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-willow-with-soulless-minions/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-willow-with-soulless-minions/#comments Mon, 24 Oct 2011 04:09:47 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1705 Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy on a magical trip thru some Medieval fantasyland or other. It's the heartwarming story of a humble peasant (who is totally not a hobbit or a moisture farmer) who goes on a quest that has nothing to do with destroying an evil overlord or saving an adult princess. Along the way, he gains an item of mystical power (which is not at all a ring of invisibility or a laser sword) and teams up with a pair of comical sidekicks (who are clearly not hobbits or robots) as well as a loveable rogue (who is definitely not a ranger of royal descent or a smuggler in trouble with a gangster) and gets magical help from a wise and mystical old mentor (who is in no way an old magic-wielding wizard or an old sword-wielding mystical monk). We discuss the novelization and possible inspirations, explore its themes and tone, and weigh its strengths and weaknesses. We like the film a lot but also have a lot of fun with it. I can't remember most of the characters' names, but I do get a chance to bust out my knowledge of ancient literature.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-willow-with-soulless-minions/feed/ 0 2:06:50 Join me and my special guests Josh and Justin from Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy on a magical trip thru some Medieval fantasyland or other. It's the heartwarming story of a humble peasant (who is totally not a hobbit or a moisture farmer) who goes o[...] Join me and my special guests Josh and Justin from Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy on a magical trip thru some Medieval fantasyland or other. It's the heartwarming story of a humble peasant (who is totally not a hobbit or a moisture farmer) who goes on a quest that has nothing to do with destroying an evil overlord or saving an adult princess. Along the way, he gains an item of mystical power (which is not at all a ring of invisibility or a laser sword) and teams up with a pair of comical sidekicks (who are clearly not hobbits or robots) as well as a loveable rogue (who is definitely not a ranger of royal descent or a smuggler in trouble with a gangster) and gets magical help from a wise and mystical old mentor (who is in no way an old magic-wielding wizard or an old sword-wielding mystical monk). We discuss the novelization and possible inspirations, explore its themes and tone, and weigh its strengths and weaknesses. We like the film a lot but also have a lot of fun with it. I can't remember most of the characters' names, but I do get a chance to bust out my knowledge of ancient literature. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-star-trek-iv-with-speakeasy/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-star-trek-iv-with-speakeasy/#comments Mon, 17 Oct 2011 04:10:39 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1619 the Doctor and me again for the one where Spock swears and Kirk fails to score and the rest of the crew does an amazing job of stealing some whales: a.k.a. "the corny one." Nevertheless, the Doctor and I enjoy it enormously and don't poke too much fun at its premise of a giant space Tootsie Roll menacing Earth with a really loud stereo and traveling back in time to bring back whales to talk to it. It's just ridiculous, but the jokes are actually mostly funny, and the characters are great.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-star-trek-iv-with-speakeasy/feed/ 0 2:15:44 It's another Trek! Join the Doctor and me again for the one where Spock swears and Kirk fails to score and the rest of the crew does an amazing job of stealing some whales: a.k.a. "the corny one." Nevertheless, the Doctor and I enjoy it enormousl[...] It's another Trek! Join the Doctor and me again for the one where Spock swears and Kirk fails to score and the rest of the crew does an amazing job of stealing some whales: a.k.a. "the corny one." Nevertheless, the Doctor and I enjoy it enormously and don't poke too much fun at its premise of a giant space Tootsie Roll menacing Earth with a really loud stereo and traveling back in time to bring back whales to talk to it. It's just ridiculous, but the jokes are actually mostly funny, and the characters are great. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-a-haunting-in-salem/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-a-haunting-in-salem/#comments Mon, 10 Oct 2011 04:10:17 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1632 A Haunting in Salem for the first time and enjoy the thrills and chills on my way to enjoying the hell out of this movie. I analyze the legend-within-a-legend idea, the value of renovating bathrooms and kitchens, the rules of daytime vs nighttime haunting, the texting skills of 1950s ghosts, and the curious love of landscape pictures the family has. Along the way, I quail in fear and disgust at actors' dirty feet, determine which of the Van Dykes is the least Van Dykey, decide that I want to see woolly mammoth ghosts, come to the conclusion that I may need to murder someone in my own house to give it atmosphere, and lay some word-nerdery on you.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-a-haunting-in-salem/feed/ 3 1:31:15 The Asylum is back, and they're bringing the scares for Halloween! Join me as I watch A Haunting in Salem for the first time and enjoy the thrills and chills on my way to enjoying the hell out of this movie. I analyze the legend-within-a-legend idea[...] The Asylum is back, and they're bringing the scares for Halloween! Join me as I watch A Haunting in Salem for the first time and enjoy the thrills and chills on my way to enjoying the hell out of this movie. I analyze the legend-within-a-legend idea, the value of renovating bathrooms and kitchens, the rules of daytime vs nighttime haunting, the texting skills of 1950s ghosts, and the curious love of landscape pictures the family has. Along the way, I quail in fear and disgust at actors' dirty feet, determine which of the Van Dykes is the least Van Dykey, decide that I want to see woolly mammoth ghosts, come to the conclusion that I may need to murder someone in my own house to give it atmosphere, and lay some word-nerdery on you. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-resident-evil-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-resident-evil-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 03 Oct 2011 04:15:21 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1597 http://www.tysto.com/2011/10/commentary-resident-evil-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 0:00:01 John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs Podcast and I have a good time with the commandos vs zombies picture Resident Evil. We prepare to take it apart but— but— for all its flaws, we basically love the damn thing. So join us as we examine the structure, the refe[...] John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs Podcast and I have a good time with the commandos vs zombies picture Resident Evil. We prepare to take it apart but— but— for all its flaws, we basically love the damn thing. So join us as we examine the structure, the references to the game and to Alice in Wonderland, the cribs from other action films, and which handsome white dude is which. We speculate as to why the commandos would leave their gas masks and take the people they're "rescuing" deeper into danger, why Alice decided on combat boots instead of heels, and why the the Red Queen wants to chop everyone's head off so badly. And we try to figure out who just got killed and who really remembers what when, and and whether or not Michelle Rodriguez plays the tough, streetwise kitty in the 2008 direct-to-video A Cat's Tale. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-octopussy/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-octopussy/#comments Mon, 26 Sep 2011 04:02:51 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1573 90 seconds to save a big chunk of Germany.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-octopussy/feed/ 0 0:00:01 Bond is back again for lucky number 13! Yes, it's still Roger Moore cranking out the cheeky remarks. This time, 007 must stop a ring of international smugglers/circus folk auctioning off—and buying back—priceless Russian treasures, altho why he care[...] Bond is back again for lucky number 13! Yes, it's still Roger Moore cranking out the cheeky remarks. This time, 007 must stop a ring of international smugglers/circus folk auctioning off—and buying back—priceless Russian treasures, altho why he cares I don't know. They're not British treasures, after all. The women are beautiful—except for the creepy one whom I suspect to be a snake in a wig—and the villains and stunts are passable if not spectacular. The sets are likewise lacking in scale, but at least the plot and plot devices are mostly believable. I examine the origin of "Octopussy" and whether or not she's a stronger character than other Bond women—such as the other Bond woman who looked exactly like her—and also the wisdom of taking several minutes to put on clown makeup when it leaves you with a mere 90 seconds to save a big chunk of Germany. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-the-mist-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-the-mist-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 19 Sep 2011 04:13:36 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1556 The Mist! This is my first commentary for a movie I outright dislike. John is more forgiving... at least until the end. But we keep it light and have a great time picking it apart and still give credit where credit is due. We try to figure out exactly what bugs* us about it and what could have been done to fix it. We compare it to High Noon, "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street", Alien, and Footloose. And I sing a little Joan Baez. So... don't miss that.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-the-mist-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 2:09:33 John Pavlich and I watch the low-budget King-Darabont horror The Mist! This is my first commentary for a movie I outright dislike. John is more forgiving... at least until the end. But we keep it light and have a great time picking it apart and stil[...] John Pavlich and I watch the low-budget King-Darabont horror The Mist! This is my first commentary for a movie I outright dislike. John is more forgiving... at least until the end. But we keep it light and have a great time picking it apart and still give credit where credit is due. We try to figure out exactly what bugs* us about it and what could have been done to fix it. We compare it to High Noon, "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street", Alien, and Footloose. And I sing a little Joan Baez. So... don't miss that. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-blade-runner/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-blade-runner/#comments Mon, 12 Sep 2011 04:49:31 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1584 http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-blade-runner/feed/ 6 0:00:01 Join the Doctor from Speakeasy and me as we watch one of the most influential film noir movies of all time. Thrill to the dark, rainy setting! Gasp at the rumpled trenchcoats! Stand in awe of the game of 20 questions! We dissect the film as sci-fi a[...] Join the Doctor from Speakeasy and me as we watch one of the most influential film noir movies of all time. Thrill to the dark, rainy setting! Gasp at the rumpled trenchcoats! Stand in awe of the game of 20 questions! We dissect the film as sci-fi as well as film noir. We attempt to determine what "blades" are being "run". We compare the film to other sci-fi movies, other Ridley Scott movies, and other Philip K Dick stories. And we discuss the possibility of Deckard being a replicant—which he DEFINITELY IS NOT BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE STUPID, RIDLEY SCOTT. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-jonah-hex/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-jonah-hex/#comments Mon, 05 Sep 2011 05:11:38 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1482 http://www.tysto.com/2011/09/commentary-jonah-hex/feed/ 1 1:17:18 Join me (or don't; seriously) as I take my first look at Jonah Hex, the heartwarming story of a disfigured man who finds love with a hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold and yet abandons her. Also, John Malkovich tries to destroy America with his liberal age[...] Join me (or don't; seriously) as I take my first look at Jonah Hex, the heartwarming story of a disfigured man who finds love with a hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold and yet abandons her. Also, John Malkovich tries to destroy America with his liberal agenda. And by "liberal" I mean the liberal application of cannon fire. Note, however, that he does this with a boat and not something crazy like a giant mechanical spider and entertaining dialog. Josh Brolin is Jonah Hex because it would have been silly to cast, say, Will Smith in the role of a cowboy given a mission to save the country by President Grant. Aiden Quinn is President Grant because Kevin Kline wasn't available. And Megan Fox is the girl who helps out but doesn't stay with him because Salma Hayak was not orange enough. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-nightmare-on-elm-street-1984-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-nightmare-on-elm-street-1984-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 29 Aug 2011 04:47:17 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1546 Sofa Dogs podcast and me as we watch Freddy and Johnny Depp's debuts in a heartwarming coming-of-age story. We wax rhapsodical about Wes Craven and other low-budget horror. We compare this film to others of its type and to the remake. And we forgive any and all faults with the possible exception of John Saxon's comb-over. Listen as we deconstruct the film as an allegory for young adulthood, parental neglect, fear of the dark, female empowerment, and unwanted hat pregnancy. And don't miss Roger Rabbit's poster of a kitty riding a trolley!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-nightmare-on-elm-street-1984-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 1:32:44 One, two, Freddy's comin' for you and John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs podcast and me as we watch Freddy and Johnny Depp's debuts in a heartwarming coming-of-age story. We wax rhapsodical about Wes Craven and other low-budget horror. We compare this film t[...] One, two, Freddy's comin' for you and John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs podcast and me as we watch Freddy and Johnny Depp's debuts in a heartwarming coming-of-age story. We wax rhapsodical about Wes Craven and other low-budget horror. We compare this film to others of its type and to the remake. And we forgive any and all faults with the possible exception of John Saxon's comb-over. Listen as we deconstruct the film as an allegory for young adulthood, parental neglect, fear of the dark, female empowerment, and unwanted hat pregnancy. And don't miss Roger Rabbit's poster of a kitty riding a trolley! Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/100th-commentary-spectacular-jurassic-park/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/100th-commentary-spectacular-jurassic-park/#comments Mon, 22 Aug 2011 04:09:09 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1526 Tysto 100th Commentary Spectacular!!! Join me for a showcase of early CGI as God intended it: DINOSAURS!!! I welcome Bea Arthur and Foreigner as special guests!!! And dancing girls!!! I even ride a live dinosaur trained to the saddle!!! Jurassic Park is the heartwarming story of people who get trapped in an old dark house with Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Bela Lugosi, and Peter Lorre, played by DINOSAURS!!! I gush rhapsodical about the dinosaurs and other action. I complain slightly about the flatness of the Alan and Ellie characters. I compare the film to Jaws and explain the structure with its various types of pipe-laying. And I depress myself slightly by looking up whether or not the Pirates of the Caribbean ride ever actually killed anyone.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/100th-commentary-spectacular-jurassic-park/feed/ 0 2:04:16 WELCOME!!! to the Tysto 100th Commentary Spectacular!!! Join me for a showcase of early CGI as God intended it: DINOSAURS!!! I welcome Bea Arthur and Foreigner as special guests!!! And dancing girls!!! I even ride a live dinosaur trained to the sadd[...] WELCOME!!! to the Tysto 100th Commentary Spectacular!!! Join me for a showcase of early CGI as God intended it: DINOSAURS!!! I welcome Bea Arthur and Foreigner as special guests!!! And dancing girls!!! I even ride a live dinosaur trained to the saddle!!! Jurassic Park is the heartwarming story of people who get trapped in an old dark house with Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Bela Lugosi, and Peter Lorre, played by DINOSAURS!!! I gush rhapsodical about the dinosaurs and other action. I complain slightly about the flatness of the Alan and Ellie characters. I compare the film to Jaws and explain the structure with its various types of pipe-laying. And I depress myself slightly by looking up whether or not the Pirates of the Caribbean ride ever actually killed anyone. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/tysto-turns-100-in-a-manner-of-speaking/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/tysto-turns-100-in-a-manner-of-speaking/#comments Thu, 11 Aug 2011 11:08:17 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1539 http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/tysto-turns-100-in-a-manner-of-speaking/feed/ 0 0:01:41 I'm rolling up on the big 1-0-0! With Jurassic Park—a commentary 65 million years (well, 4-and-a-half years) in the making*—I will have released 100 commentaries! What I'm hoping for here is that you will find a moment to add a comment to this post [...] I'm rolling up on the big 1-0-0! With Jurassic Park—a commentary 65 million years (well, 4-and-a-half years) in the making*—I will have released 100 commentaries! What I'm hoping for here is that you will find a moment to add a comment to this post and let me know what you would like to see in the next 4-and-a-half years.** One day (theoretically) I will run out of James Bond and Star Trek movies, so what next? Are you enjoying the golden oldies I usually do? Do you want more of any particular genre? I've had specific requests in the past and tried to look into doing them, but they don't always work out. Would you like more sight-unseen commentaries (The Asylum or otherwise?). More Hitchcock? More Schwarzenegger? More (meaning "some") Stallone? More westerns? More horror? More sci-fi? How about more recent releases? Let me know! Would you like more team-ups? (Interested in doing a commentary with me? All you need is Skype and a good microphone!***) Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-for-your-eyes-only/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-for-your-eyes-only/#comments Mon, 08 Aug 2011 04:14:43 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1474 From Russia with Love, and complain that Locque isn't much of a villain. I lament the birth defect that left Carole Bouquet with a non-functioning forehead and a mustache nearly as luxurious as Topol's, as well as whatever it is that makes Lynn-Holley Johnson so annoying and seven years too old to be to young for James Bond. And I lament the fact the Roger Moore is just too old to run up all those steps.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-for-your-eyes-only/feed/ 4 2:07:51 Bond is back! This time, the film makers mine the depths of Fleming's short stories and cobble something together that is... pretty dang good, actually. There are no gadgets, the girls are not great, and there are no fantastic Ken Adam sets, but the[...] Bond is back! This time, the film makers mine the depths of Fleming's short stories and cobble something together that is... pretty dang good, actually. There are no gadgets, the girls are not great, and there are no fantastic Ken Adam sets, but there's also nothing much to really hate—except the idiotic Blofeld appearance at the beginning. I examine the construction of the plot, defend it against those who say it's too much like From Russia with Love, and complain that Locque isn't much of a villain. I lament the birth defect that left Carole Bouquet with a non-functioning forehead and a mustache nearly as luxurious as Topol's, as well as whatever it is that makes Lynn-Holley Johnson so annoying and seven years too old to be to young for James Bond. And I lament the fact the Roger Moore is just too old to run up all those steps. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-the-fly-1986-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-the-fly-1986-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 01 Aug 2011 04:16:36 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1491 Sofa Dogs podcast again, this time for a freaky, gooey ride thru Cronenberg-land, a land of magic and mystery and "flesh" and cool cars, located near scenic Toronto. We analyze the themes of substance abuse, transformation, and disease; wonder who is the craziest character; and ultimately blame the whole mess on the baboon. We marvel at the economy and deftness of storytelling, discuss the tragic romance and operatic angle, and compare it to the sequel, to the first draft, and somewhat to other transformation monster movies. I call the film nearly perfect and declare Jeff Goldblum to be his Goldblumiest.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/08/commentary-the-fly-1986-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 1:37:16 Join me and John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs podcast again, this time for a freaky, gooey ride thru Cronenberg-land, a land of magic and mystery and "flesh" and cool cars, located near scenic Toronto. We analyze the themes of substance abuse, transformatio[...] Join me and John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs podcast again, this time for a freaky, gooey ride thru Cronenberg-land, a land of magic and mystery and "flesh" and cool cars, located near scenic Toronto. We analyze the themes of substance abuse, transformation, and disease; wonder who is the craziest character; and ultimately blame the whole mess on the baboon. We marvel at the economy and deftness of storytelling, discuss the tragic romance and operatic angle, and compare it to the sequel, to the first draft, and somewhat to other transformation monster movies. I call the film nearly perfect and declare Jeff Goldblum to be his Goldblumiest. Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-2012-ice-age/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-2012-ice-age/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2011 04:11:29 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1463 Summer School (no, not Mark Harmon) and that girl from Growing Pains (no, not Tracey Gold) drive and fly and walk and otherwise travel from the frozen north to the soon-to-be-frozen slightly-further-south. Join me as I watch it for the first time and gradually figure out what city (or what coast, for that matter) the film is set in (I wasn't paying a lot of attention at the beginning). I analyze the motives of the protagonists (survive; get daughter) and the antagonists (smash whichever coast we're set in). Along the way, I make up a background for the mysterious and otherwise creditless director Travis Fort. I wax poetical about the various vehicles the characters travel in. I contemplate the dangers of "snornados". I say some things that might get me beaten up the next time I go to New York (our nation's capital), New Jersey (its retarded brother), and Canada (it only has two cities and its savage people worship glaciers). And I imagine other (copyrighted!) ways of portraying the glacier, such as by giving it an English accent and a hunchback.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-2012-ice-age/feed/ 0 1:36:47 The Asylum is back! And without commercials! And that guy from Summer School (no, not Mark Harmon) and that girl from Growing Pains (no, not Tracey Gold) drive and fly and walk and otherwise travel from the frozen north to the soon-to-be-frozen slig[...] The Asylum is back! And without commercials! And that guy from Summer School (no, not Mark Harmon) and that girl from Growing Pains (no, not Tracey Gold) drive and fly and walk and otherwise travel from the frozen north to the soon-to-be-frozen slightly-further-south. Join me as I watch it for the first time and gradually figure out what city (or what coast, for that matter) the film is set in (I wasn't paying a lot of attention at the beginning). I analyze the motives of the protagonists (survive; get daughter) and the antagonists (smash whichever coast we're set in). Along the way, I make up a background for the mysterious and otherwise creditless director Travis Fort. I wax poetical about the various vehicles the characters travel in. I contemplate the dangers of "snornados". I say some things that might get me beaten up the next time I go to New York (our nation's capital), New Jersey (its retarded brother), and Canada (it only has two cities and its savage people worship glaciers). And I imagine other (copyrighted!) ways of portraying the glacier, such as by giving it an English accent and a hunchback. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-star-trek-iii-with-speakeasy/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-star-trek-iii-with-speakeasy/#comments Tue, 12 Jul 2011 03:10:17 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1459 the Doctor again for our third trek! This is the one where Spock is reborn, and McCoy carries Spock's mind alongside his own mind, and Sulu changes clothes at inappropriate times. We examine the ideas of Vulcan mind transfer, naked racism in the Federation, and the meanness of wrapping reborn people in their own death shrouds. We also discuss whether or not McCoy almost accidentally picks up an alien prostitute, whether or not Scotty is basically R2D2, and whether or not Kirk answers Spock's question honestly when Spock asks "The ship safe?" And along the way, you'll learn which scientific discoveries the Doctor condemns as dangerously unpredictable and why my first sexual experience was like Spock's.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-star-trek-iii-with-speakeasy/feed/ 0 1:45:38 Join me as I join the Doctor again for our third trek! This is the one where Spock is reborn, and McCoy carries Spock's mind alongside his own mind, and Sulu changes clothes at inappropriate times. We examine the ideas of Vulcan mind transfer, naked[...] Join me as I join the Doctor again for our third trek! This is the one where Spock is reborn, and McCoy carries Spock's mind alongside his own mind, and Sulu changes clothes at inappropriate times. We examine the ideas of Vulcan mind transfer, naked racism in the Federation, and the meanness of wrapping reborn people in their own death shrouds. We also discuss whether or not McCoy almost accidentally picks up an alien prostitute, whether or not Scotty is basically R2D2, and whether or not Kirk answers Spock's question honestly when Spock asks "The ship safe?" And along the way, you'll learn which scientific discoveries the Doctor condemns as dangerously unpredictable and why my first sexual experience was like Spock's. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-the-matrix/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-the-matrix/#comments Mon, 04 Jul 2011 04:21:34 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1447 Red Planet; I am momentarily dumbfounded by the thought of Katie Holmes' boobs in The Gift.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/07/commentary-the-matrix/feed/ 0 2:11:48 Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we watch Johnny Utah go toe to toe with Elrond with a little help from Cowboy Curtis in the 1999 emo action thriller that started a revolution! We wax philosophical over dreamscapes, simulations, body horror,[...] Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we watch Johnny Utah go toe to toe with Elrond with a little help from Cowboy Curtis in the 1999 emo action thriller that started a revolution! We wax philosophical over dreamscapes, simulations, body horror, the juxtaposition of old and new technology, and the wearing of super cool sunglasses at night! I reveal my secret Internet hacker name, John reveals what Star Wars films he has not seen, and we both examine what works and what doesn't quite work for each of us. We discuss the sequels a little bit when they inform this film, but most take the movie on its own terms. John is momentarily dumbfounded by the thought of Carrie-Anne Moss' boobs in Red Planet; I am momentarily dumbfounded by the thought of Katie Holmes' boobs in The Gift. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-day-of-the-jackal/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-day-of-the-jackal/#comments Mon, 27 Jun 2011 04:06:09 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1438 flabby meticulous plotting and the long luxurious running time, the pacing is excellent. I explore what could have been cut without hurting the film and what could have been tightened up to help it. And I mock the hilarious French cars. Oh, and bonus if you watch along with me: French ta-tas. Ooh la la!]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-day-of-the-jackal/feed/ 2 2:30:41 Michael Lonsdale is back! And this time he's the good guy, tracking down an international killer known only by the code name "Hello Sailor!" or whatever the French equivalent is. Join me as, despite my cold, I put on a perfect French accent (London,[...] Michael Lonsdale is back! And this time he's the good guy, tracking down an international killer known only by the code name "Hello Sailor!" or whatever the French equivalent is. Join me as, despite my cold, I put on a perfect French accent (London, France, to be exact) and cue up this tense Cold-War-era thriller about how terrible the French army is at killing people. Despite the flabby meticulous plotting and the long luxurious running time, the pacing is excellent. I explore what could have been cut without hurting the film and what could have been tightened up to help it. And I mock the hilarious French cars. Oh, and bonus if you watch along with me: French ta-tas. Ooh la la! Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-moonraker/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-moonraker/#comments Mon, 13 Jun 2011 04:11:01 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1430 http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-moonraker/feed/ 0 2:08:26 Jaws is back, and Bond fights him! (again and again...) It's the eleventh Bond, and I admire the sights, the women, the stunts, the women's revealing wardrobe, the model shots, the model-actresses, and the incredible Ken Adam sets. I don't do muc[...] Jaws is back, and Bond fights him! (again and again...) It's the eleventh Bond, and I admire the sights, the women, the stunts, the women's revealing wardrobe, the model shots, the model-actresses, and the incredible Ken Adam sets. I don't do much car spotting or gun spotting because Bond drives boats and fights hand-to-hand pretty much the whole movie. *sigh* The comedy is slapsticky (vaudevillian, to be exact), and the story is a loose collection of great set pieces connected by cardboard arrows. (Venetian glass? Go to Venice! Crates that say "Rio"? Go to Rio! Toxin from the Amazon? Go to the Amazon! Space shuttles? Go to space!) Plus, the villain's plan is basically the same as in the last movie (kill everyone, clean up the corpses with bulldozers, repopulate). Still, I don't think it's the worst Bond of them all. (Your mileage may vary.) Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-star-wars-6-return-of-the-jedi-special-ed/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-star-wars-6-return-of-the-jedi-special-ed/#comments Mon, 06 Jun 2011 04:25:21 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1405 http://www.tysto.com/2011/06/commentary-star-wars-6-return-of-the-jedi-special-ed/feed/ 0 2:09:52 Join me for the last of the Star Wars films ever made! (Later films notwithstanding. Offer void where prohibited.) I analyze the romance, the bromance, and the dromance. I try to figure out the timeline again. I compare the Empire’s work-life-balanc[...] Join me for the last of the Star Wars films ever made! (Later films notwithstanding. Offer void where prohibited.) I analyze the romance, the bromance, and the dromance. I try to figure out the timeline again. I compare the Empire’s work-life-balance policies with the Alliance’s. And I deconstruct the episodic nature of this film and the previous one. I analyze the lack of proper planning evident thruout the film, including the method of constructing Death Star II. I once again declare my love for ewoks, perhaps a little too strongly…. I forgive C-3P0 somewhat. And I do lots of incredibly precises impressions of various characters. (Your mileage may vary. This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.) Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-zombieland-with-sofa-dogs/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-zombieland-with-sofa-dogs/#comments Mon, 30 May 2011 04:59:20 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1427 Zombieland. It's the heartwarming tale of a nerdy college student's search for someone to "pass the gravy" to. It's also the moving tale of a childless father's search for vengeance and Twinkies. And it's also the shocking tale of two con-artist sisters' search for a shower and an amusement park where there are no lines. And it's ALSO the heartbreaking tale of Bill Murray getting shot for pretending to be a zombie, like an idiot. Join John and me for a fast run to Pacific Playland, where you will learn why Down in Front dropped the ball on their commentary for this film, the rules for survival in a Zombie apocalypse, and who you're gonna call (Ghostbusters).]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-zombieland-with-sofa-dogs/feed/ 0 1:30:41 It's John Pavlich from the Sofa Dogs podcast hosting me for a commentary on the zom-com-non-bomb Zombieland. It's the heartwarming tale of a nerdy college student's search for someone to "pass the gravy" to. It's also the moving tale of a childless [...] It's John Pavlich from the Sofa Dogs podcast hosting me for a commentary on the zom-com-non-bomb Zombieland. It's the heartwarming tale of a nerdy college student's search for someone to "pass the gravy" to. It's also the moving tale of a childless father's search for vengeance and Twinkies. And it's also the shocking tale of two con-artist sisters' search for a shower and an amusement park where there are no lines. And it's ALSO the heartbreaking tale of Bill Murray getting shot for pretending to be a zombie, like an idiot. Join John and me for a fast run to Pacific Playland, where you will learn why Down in Front dropped the ball on their commentary for this film, the rules for survival in a Zombie apocalypse, and who you're gonna call (Ghostbusters). Entertainment Tysto.com yes no http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-run-lola-run/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-run-lola-run/#comments Mon, 23 May 2011 04:26:31 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1391 Run, Lola, Run, the pulse-pounding story of a girl running around Berlin over and over until she gambles her way to happiness. I compare the film to video games and religious allegory—which it is not—and to fairy tales, humanist philosophy, and roulette—which it is. I wax poetical about free will vs determinism and chance vs causation. I discuss the film's somewhat arch use of numerous techniques to represent the different stories and time frames. But I'm so deep into philosophy I forget to identify any guns or cars other than Manni's Walther PPK. I explain the color motifs (Manni = blue and yellow; Lola = green, red, and blue) and the other visual motifs (spirals, grids, breaking glass). I compare the different runs (green/running, red/thinking, blue/feeling). And I chide reviewers for wishing the film was deeper when THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FILM is that asking deep questions is a trap, and you've just got to run and love and trust and hope for the best.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-run-lola-run/feed/ 1 1:22:58 Join me as I rush thru the 1998 German film Run, Lola, Run, the pulse-pounding story of a girl running around Berlin over and over until she gambles her way to happiness. I compare the film to video games and religious allegory—which it is not—and t[...] Join me as I rush thru the 1998 German film Run, Lola, Run, the pulse-pounding story of a girl running around Berlin over and over until she gambles her way to happiness. I compare the film to video games and religious allegory—which it is not—and to fairy tales, humanist philosophy, and roulette—which it is. I wax poetical about free will vs determinism and chance vs causation. I discuss the film's somewhat arch use of numerous techniques to represent the different stories and time frames. But I'm so deep into philosophy I forget to identify any guns or cars other than Manni's Walther PPK. I explain the color motifs (Manni = blue and yellow; Lola = green, red, and blue) and the other visual motifs (spirals, grids, breaking glass). I compare the different runs (green/running, red/thinking, blue/feeling). And I chide reviewers for wishing the film was deeper when THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FILM is that asking deep questions is a trap, and you've just got to run and love and trust and hope for the best. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-almighty-thor-not-the-marvel-one/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-almighty-thor-not-the-marvel-one/#comments Mon, 16 May 2011 05:50:27 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1416 repeatedly losing his weapons. It probably doesn't help that we've just come from seeing the Marvel Thor movie in the theater and more-or-less enjoyed it. We try to figure out just what the characters are trying to do and why the chick with the weird name and weirder accent knows everything and Thor knows nothing. We try to figure out why Richard Grieco is just wandering around. And we try to figure out if this is the worst movie we've ever seen or just one of the worst movies we've ever seen. We enjoy the terror dogs from Ghostbusters and the lindworms from—I don't know—Lind? Do not operate heavy machinery after watching this film.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-almighty-thor-not-the-marvel-one/feed/ 0 1:39:10 It's a genuine mockbuster from The Asylum, so join me and my special guest Wegel Pinsky—if you dare—as we slog thru the adventures of a totally-not-mighty Thor being schooled by a Mexican chick to fight a superpowerful Darth Loki in the forests of S[...] It's a genuine mockbuster from The Asylum, so join me and my special guest Wegel Pinsky—if you dare—as we slog thru the adventures of a totally-not-mighty Thor being schooled by a Mexican chick to fight a superpowerful Darth Loki in the forests of Scandinavia and, for some reason, alleys of Los Angeles and repeatedly losing his weapons. It probably doesn't help that we've just come from seeing the Marvel Thor movie in the theater and more-or-less enjoyed it. We try to figure out just what the characters are trying to do and why the chick with the weird name and weirder accent knows everything and Thor knows nothing. We try to figure out why Richard Grieco is just wandering around. And we try to figure out if this is the worst movie we've ever seen or just one of the worst movies we've ever seen. We enjoy the terror dogs from Ghostbusters and the lindworms from—I don't know—Lind? Do not operate heavy machinery after watching this film. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-aliens-special-edition/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-aliens-special-edition/#comments Mon, 09 May 2011 04:15:43 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1371 40 minutes) at a whole host of aliens (which you don't actually hit for another 35 minutes) in this sequel to the timeless monster movie Alien. Join me as I examine the special edition and its themes of motherhood and self-actualization and blowin' sh*t up and corporations are bad. I compare the film to the original and to various other films by Cameron and others. I go Wierzbowski hunting. I imagine Jerry Seinfeld in place of Paul Reiser. I call it "nearly perfect", altho I lament the concept of the alien hive with a queen. And I call out all the little Cameron-romance moments ("We're gonna die! I kind of like you!").]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/05/commentary-aliens-special-edition/feed/ 5 2:37:31 James Cameron blasts you out of a cannon (after loading you and packing you with powder for, like, 40 minutes) at a whole host of aliens (which you don't actually hit for another 35 minutes) in this sequel to the timeless monster movie Alien. Join m[...] James Cameron blasts you out of a cannon (after loading you and packing you with powder for, like, 40 minutes) at a whole host of aliens (which you don't actually hit for another 35 minutes) in this sequel to the timeless monster movie Alien. Join me as I examine the special edition and its themes of motherhood and self-actualization and blowin' sh*t up and corporations are bad. I compare the film to the original and to various other films by Cameron and others. I go Wierzbowski hunting. I imagine Jerry Seinfeld in place of Paul Reiser. I call it "nearly perfect", altho I lament the concept of the alien hive with a queen. And I call out all the little Cameron-romance moments ("We're gonna die! I kind of like you!"). Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-star-trek-ii-with-speakeasy/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-star-trek-ii-with-speakeasy/#comments Mon, 25 Apr 2011 15:22:40 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1379 http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-star-trek-ii-with-speakeasy/feed/ 0 1:52:59 Join me as I join the Doctor again for another trek into space! Together, we examine the meaning of friendship and sacrifice and [shifts jaw awkwardly] "human". We examine the structure of the story and debate the artificiality of Shatner's hair and[...] Join me as I join the Doctor again for another trek into space! Together, we examine the meaning of friendship and sacrifice and [shifts jaw awkwardly] "human". We examine the structure of the story and debate the artificiality of Shatner's hair and Montalban's chest. We contemplate Sean Connery as a scholar of Judaism and wonder about how Sulu spent the time between TPM and WoK and also how many times Kirk has had to fight an illegitimate child to the death. Overall, we love the film, altho it is perhaps slightly more talky and less profound than many would like to pretend. I can't remember the phrase "affirmative action". And we get cut off briefly at one point but quickly get back on track. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-indiana-jones-and-the-last-crusade/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-indiana-jones-and-the-last-crusade/#comments Mon, 18 Apr 2011 04:35:19 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1365 http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-indiana-jones-and-the-last-crusade/feed/ 0 2:05:35 Indy’s back for the third and final time! (Unless you count the fourth film.) Join me as I examine the way the third film returns to familiar territory in welcome ways… and then kind of wears out its welcome by the end. I explore the father-son them[...] Indy’s back for the third and final time! (Unless you count the fourth film.) Join me as I examine the way the third film returns to familiar territory in welcome ways… and then kind of wears out its welcome by the end. I explore the father-son theme, the shift from Jewish to Indian to Christian to, um, alien religion and the way the tone has shifted from a little too dark to a little too light. Overall, I love the film, tho, and never take to bashing it. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-the-maltese-falcon-2/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-the-maltese-falcon-2/#comments Mon, 04 Apr 2011 04:23:02 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1350 The Maltese Falcon. I compare it to the book a little (it's nearly identical) and the 1931 version (it's way better), as well as Citizen Kane and later films noir and hard-boiled detective films. I complain about Astor's performance (and general non-sexiness, if you ask me) and about the somewhat repetitive talkiness of the film, but I really do love it. I just can't quite call it "nearly perfect". I take it apart and examine the pieces, particularly the character motivations and directorial style and explain what an "automatic revolver" is.]]> http://www.tysto.com/2011/04/commentary-the-maltese-falcon-2/feed/ 0 1:42:43 Join me as I watch Humphrey Bogart take on Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre—not to mention that duplicitous whore Mary Astor—in John Huston's version of Dashiell Hammett's The Maltese Falcon. I compare it to the book a little (it's nearly identica[...] Join me as I watch Humphrey Bogart take on Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre—not to mention that duplicitous whore Mary Astor—in John Huston's version of Dashiell Hammett's The Maltese Falcon. I compare it to the book a little (it's nearly identical) and the 1931 version (it's way better), as well as Citizen Kane and later films noir and hard-boiled detective films. I complain about Astor's performance (and general non-sexiness, if you ask me) and about the somewhat repetitive talkiness of the film, but I really do love it. I just can't quite call it "nearly perfect". I take it apart and examine the pieces, particularly the character motivations and directorial style and explain what an "automatic revolver" is. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-titanic-ii/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-titanic-ii/#comments Mon, 21 Mar 2011 04:15:31 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1338 http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-titanic-ii/feed/ 0 1:33:03 It's the Asylum again, back for another sight-unseen commentary, this time with 100% fewer giant monsters! I don't know if that's a good thing, but it certainly makes for a higher quality film, easily besting the original 1997 James Cameron romantic[...] It's the Asylum again, back for another sight-unseen commentary, this time with 100% fewer giant monsters! I don't know if that's a good thing, but it certainly makes for a higher quality film, easily besting the original 1997 James Cameron romantic-tragedy epic boo-hoo-fest, which I hated like Pol Pot and Baby Doc Duvalier. There are no pop stars in this one, just a solid performance by Bruce Davison, a welcome bit by Brooke Burns, and a decent job by writer/director/star Shane Van Dyke as well as by the lips attached to Marie Wesbrook. I make fun of some names, some effects, and various ship nonsense. At times, I long for a mega shark and pray for the iceberg to eat a helicopter, but overall I liked it and was rather impressed by it. If this had been put out by a major studio with Roland Emmerich money for effects and advertising, it would have been a genuine blockbuster. (Which is different from saying it would have been a good film, by the way.) Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-star-trek-tmp-with-speakeasy/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-star-trek-tmp-with-speakeasy/#comments Mon, 14 Mar 2011 04:25:19 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1326 http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-star-trek-tmp-with-speakeasy/feed/ 5 2:16:38 The Doctor joins me again for another walk down memory lane, this time with Robert Wise and Alan Dean Foster's tribute to 2001: A Space Odyssey and slow-motion model work. We both love the film and William Shatner and Persis Khambatta and the idea t[...] The Doctor joins me again for another walk down memory lane, this time with Robert Wise and Alan Dean Foster's tribute to 2001: A Space Odyssey and slow-motion model work. We both love the film and William Shatner and Persis Khambatta and the idea that Decker might just be responsible for creating the Borg. We're watching the director's cut, with the silver "Paramount Pictures Presents" lettering at the beginning and not the theatrical cut with the gold lettering. The differences are not enormous. Entertainment Tysto.com no no http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-the-spy-who-loved-me/ http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-the-spy-who-loved-me/#comments Mon, 07 Mar 2011 05:01:37 +0000 Derek Jensen http://www.tysto.com/?p=1312 http://www.tysto.com/2011/03/commentary-the-spy-who-loved-me/feed/ 0 2:08:03 It's the heart-wrenching tale of chance meetings between wounded hearts, daring to reach out, daring to trust again. Also, a 7-foot-tall metal-jawed psychopath bites people to death while his boss captures submarines. Join me for the tenth Bond film[...] It's the heart-wrenching tale of chance meetings between wounded hearts, daring to reach out, daring to trust again. Also, a 7-foot-tall metal-jawed psychopath bites people to death while his boss captures submarines. Join me for the tenth Bond film and one of the very best. This remains my favorite, but that doesn't mean it's perfect. I compare it to the book that it's nothing like. I thrill at the adventure and swoon at the passion (well, cleavage). I mock the acting and disco music. I point out the—ahem—"re-use" of previous Bond plot devices. And I marvel at the incredible plan/backup plan/backup backup plan that Stromberg seems to repeatedly employ. Entertainment Tysto.com no no