Commentary: Nazis at the Center of the Earth

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Join me for a sight-unseen examination of The Asylum’s heartwarming tale of research scientists in Antarctica falling in and out of love and encountering (I don’t want to spoil it for you) certain challenges. I complain about the dialog and lack of active protagonists, and I root for Hitler OR DO I?

I compare the film to Futurama and, uh, films and examine the artistic choice of slow-motion. I question the science a time or two, and the choice of lenses used on Dominique Swain. I do not question the lenses used on Jake Busey. Use any lens you want; the man can’t be photographed badly.

I’m watching a streaming version. Start when and where I tell you to and don’t make any false moves, if you know what’s good for you.

Commentary: Dr Strangelove (w/ Speakeasy!)

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Join me and Hardy Lynch of The Speakeasy for my FIRST Stanley Kubrick commentary! It’s the heartwarming story of a nation whose rogue member starts World War 3 and the brave men (and only men) who make a vague and ineffectual effort to stop it. We compare it to Fail-Safe, which came out the same year, as well as Kubrick’s other films, Mars Attacks, and Norbit.

We discuss the careers of Kubrick, Sellers, and Keenan Wynn. We analyze the brilliant screenplay, the analogy to Cold War tensions, and the films possible affect on the audience, including America’s leaders. And we try to recast it with Mike Meyers, Sam Rockwell, Josh Brolin, and James Earl Jones (in the Ripper role this time).

NOTE: I forgot to say it, but I regard this as a NEARLY PERFECT FILM.

I’m watching an HD copy off DVR. Hardy is watching the PAL DVD and has to repeatedly sync with me, so there are several times that we announce where we are. Start the film on the countdown before anything because I get the disclaimer crawl first and he gets it after the Columbia logo.

Commentary: Tango & Cash (w/ Jimmy B!)

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Join me as I’m joined for the first time by Jimmy B from the Friends in Your Head forum and Extended Edition podcast for a look at Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell’s big team-up. We compare it to Lethal Weapon, Police Story, Die Hard, other buddy-cop comedies of the time, and James Bond movies.

We also marvel at their hair and suits, and at a still-humble Teri Hatcher. We stand in awe that the film ever saw the light of day because, at some point, everybody but Stallone got replaced at least once.

Jimmy’s microphone betrays us, and he’s a bit difficult to understand at times. (I mean aside from the Scottish accent.)

Technically, this is explicit, but not really.

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start with the Warner Brothers logo, on the countdown.

Commentary: Flash Gordon (w/ Film Bin!)

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Join me as I join the entire Film Bin crew to have a look at the wonderfully campy and adventurous Flash Gordon. It’s the heartwarming tale of boy meets girl, boy and girl are kidnapped by a scientist and forced to travel to space, where they are kidnapped by a dictator, girl loses boy, boy is kidnapped by another girl, then imprisoned by her boyfriend… Long story short, boy gets girl and only has 14 hours to save the earth.

We compare it to Star Wars, Superman, Indiana Jones movies, Highlander, the original film serial, Barbarella, Doctor Who, The Wizard of Oz, and Buckaroo Banzai. We analyze the physics of Mongo, the force of nature that is Brian Blessed, and the possibility that Klytus designs all the costumes on Mongo. We fix Hollywood action movies and align the DC universe and Star Wars universe with this one.

We’re watching the Blu-ray/region 1 DVD. Start the film at 0:00:00, right before the Universal logo appears, on the countdown.

Commentary: Batman Begins (w/ Speakeasy!)

Batman BeginsNetflix IMDb
Join me as I join the Doctor and Lynch for a second go at the first of Christopher Nolan’s Batmen. We compare the film to the comic books, other Nolan Batmen, Burton/Schumaker Batmen, and The Shadow. We examine the logic of the villains’ plans and Batman’s response. And we recast Morgan Freeman as a bad guy.

I’m watching the Blu-ray. Start the film right after the Warner Brothers logo has stopped turning, on the countdown.

Commentary: Dark City (w/ Sofa Dogs and Dorkman!)

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Join me and my special guest John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and Michael “Dorkman” Scott of What Are You Doing, Movie? as we take Alex Proyas’ heartwarming tale of space vampires and terrible detectives to pieces retune it. All three of us basically love the film and gush all over the cinematography, writing, structure, and set design and try to figure out which parts are sub-awesome and how things could be slightly better.

We lament the reception the film got initially, disagree over the degree of familiarity of the characters and tropes, and come to blows over Jennifer Connelly’s eyebrows. (NON-PERIOD!)

NOTE: Posted this early because Pavlich posted his version several days ago.

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start the film on the countdown after the New Line Cinema logo.

Commentary: Superman Returns (w/ Speakeasy!)

Superman ReturnsNetflix IMDb
Join me and Hardy Lynch of The Speakeasy as we shoot machines at the impregnable flesh of Bryan Singer’s Superman Returns. We complain about the, ahem, “familiarity” of many of the set pieces and dialog; about the things that are new and different; about the incredible coincidences, and that a lot of the minor characters have nothing to do. I complain about the physics of Superman flying and lifting a continent. Hardy complains about James Marsden being a wet noodle. We both love a few things, including Kevin Spacey and some of the action. And we wonder exactly who knows what about you-know-who when.

We compare the film to Superman, Superman 2, Terminator 2, The Matrix, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and The Five-Year Engagement. We wonder if Superman really left Metropolis to avoid paternity charges or sex offender charges. And we try to rewrite the film and fail.

NOTE: The Tysto Commentaries theme music is called “Point Break” by Mark Fassett‘s band 42 Shades of Gray. I’ve appended it at the end.

I’m watching the US DVD. Hardy is watching the PAL DVD and has to repeatedly sync with me, so there are several times that we announce where we are. Start the film on the countdown between the Legendary Pictures logo and the DC logo (about 20 seconds in).

Commentary: Jaws (w/ Drew from Trek.fm!)

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Join Drew of Trek.fm and me as we look into the dead eyes of the master killer of the seas and come out the other end changed men. Together, we try to figure out what genre the movie is (monster movie? horror? Hitchcockian thriller? western?), whether or not Quint is a sorcerer, and how many awesome suit jackets Mayor Vaughn owns.

We compare the film to other blockbusters, other shark/monster movies, Moby Dick, Die Hard, The Ghost & the Darkness, and Hot Fuzz. We contemplate it as a sequel to West Side Story, the characters as Harry Potter analogs, and the Quint as Han Solo. And I learn an important lesson about comparing scars.

Note: It occurs to me, based on Drew’s reaction to the animatronics, that the sequel should have been The Making of Jaws, where the animatronic shark starts killing people.

We’re watching the R1 DVD version and have a couple of brief glitches, but give the sync point. Start the film on the countdown after the Universal logo.

Commentary: Prometheus (w Sofa Dogs and Faldor!)

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Join me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and Faldor of the Extended Edition podcast for a thoro drubbing of Ridley Scott’s Prometheus. It’s the heartwarming tale of an old man trying to recapture his youth and getting his head handed to him. But enough about Ridley Scott.

We examine the themes and complications, the plot twists that don’t quite work, and the way the film repeatedly works against itself with their echoes of religion and the other Alien movies, as well as Stargate, Return of the Jedi, and Casablanca.

We’re watching the Blu-ray/HD DVR version and stay in perfect sync. Start the film on the countdown after the Scott Free logo.

Commentary: Looper (w/ Sofa Dogs!)

LooperNetflix IMDb
Join me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs for a long, hard look at Rian Johnson’s wobbly time travel thriller. We both like it (he more than I) and both have problems with it (I more than he). We look at Confused Matthew’s take on the film, and Rian Johnson’s himself. John had a Twitter conversation with him that I gamely try to retroactively explain Johnson’s side of. Regardless, it’s a fascinating film or two films squooshed together, depending on your point of view and, possibly, your current location in the space-time continuum.

Note: John drops out at a few points due to Internet/Skype issues, but it’s not too frequent or too bad. Unfortunately, he lost his recording of the call. We may provide a fixed version in the future.

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start the film on the countdown after the End Game logo.

Running commentaries that you listen to while you watch the movie.