Mission: Impossible: Rogue: Nation

MI5IMDb
Join me in watching the fifth and by no means final episode in the Ethan Hunt saga, in which IMF—gasp!—gets shut down and Ethan—gulp!—goes rogue. Insiders turn out to be bad guys! Ethan works with a beautiful mystery woman he isn’t sure he can trust! They steal something they don’t understand and give it to the villain! I know this sounds like every other Mission Impossible film! But this one is even better than most of the others!

I compare it to the other films, to James Bond (again [too much {again}]), to the TV show, to Hitchcock, to Faust, to Foul Play, and to Phantom Menace. I tiptoe around Cruise’s real life, explain the geography of Europe and the design of my swimming pool, fail to remember Timothy Dalton’s name, do an impression of Luther that is half Ving Rhames and half Tracy Morgan, point out a couple of substantial logic gaps, and complain endlessly about how much I like the film.

I’m watching the Blu-ray. Start right after the Paramount logo on the countdown.

More commentaries

Okay, no more lies, no more hiding. I’m out on parole after The Incident** and tanned, rested, and ready to do some commentaries.

  • Mission Impossible 5: Jeremy Renner Talks on Phones
  • James Bond vs Guess What, There’s A Bad Guy on the Inside Again
  • Super 8
  • Super 8 1/2 (Federico Fellini’s semi-biographical exploration of a director’s struggles with the women in his life while making a film about an alien monster’s escape from government scientists)
  • Showgirls, in which I explain the theme of female empowerment
  • Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels
  • Snatch, if I can get a Cockney to explain it to me (attn: Russell Brand)
  • The Cabin in the Woods, if I can get Pavlich to explain it to me
  • 6 episodes of Midsomer Murders (all the ones that don’t feature a village fete)
  • Whatever is popular on Netflix at the time, which at the moment looks like Skinwalkers: The Navajo Mysteries or Nazi Mega Weapons: German Engineering in WW2***

ALL THIS WITH MY SOLEMN PROMISE OF SLIGHTLY LESS GIGGLING ****

** You probably read about it on Flipboard and Tinder: a cat, a van, two apple pies, a bottle of Captain Morgan’s, and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

*** They write it with Roman numerals, but as I’ve explained before I DON”T SPEAK LATIN

**** Let’s be realistic tho about Showgirls

 

Ant-Man

Ant-ManIMDb
Jimmy and I take a rambling look at Marvel’s Ant-Man (after a brief bit of confusion over which movie we’re watching) and express our (reserved) love for it. We praise the look and art design, the actors, and the writing. And we discuss which aspects of the writing and directing don’t work as well.

We’re watching HD versions and stay in sync. Start at 0:00:00 on the countdown.

Hiatus

I’m going to go on hiatus for a couple of months. Some life changes (possibly menopause) are sapping my time and attention. I hope to get back to doing commentaries in January, but until then I need to focus on real life.

I appreciate the feedback I’ve gotten recently. It’s all been really positive. I know the site continues to present issues with downloads sometimes, which baffles me despite my best preventative measures.

Welcome, Iron Man fans, I guess (or bots?)

According to the PodPress statistics, my commentary with the Doctor from Speakeasy for Iron Man has been downloaded more than 33,000 times. That’s about 15x more than my next most popular commentary, The Phantom Menace (which is actually a remix of Red Letter Media’s work, so it isn’t really even mine).

Maybe a celebrity tweeted about it or a DJ talked about it on the radio or something. I don’t know. Maybe it’s one obsessive nerd just really into it. Or maybe it’s software bots gone crazy. It only has one comment, so maybe it’s bots?

Regardless, welcome, whoever you are. I guess.

Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the GalaxyIMDb
Martin is back! (He has a codename: Faldor. Both of us do. It’s cool. It’s not weird.) We bust out of space prison and give Guardians of the Galaxy a good going over (which mainly consists of saying that it’s fun and cool and the plot is kind of unnecessary). It’s the heartwarming story of a boy who gets kidnapped and leads a life of crime and sexual depravity, with few friends and many enemies.

The film has too many villains and too many endings and some shaky acting but works anyway because of its excess of charm. We praise Marvel, Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Karen Gillen, the soundtrack, and—surprisingly—James Gunn.

We guess at what the soundtrack of the sequel will include. We compare it to The Avengers, Star Wars, Moonraker, Up, Reservoir Dogsand—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods. For some reason, we discuss every Star Trek show and come to the conclusion that this is different. Also Firefly, because duh. We get into a fight over The Lost Boys, The Goonies, and—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods.

We’re watching the Blu-ray, so we stay in sync. Start the film on the countdown at 0:00:00.

The Omen (1976)

OmenIMDb
Join Jimmy and me to have a lot of fun with the original The Omen. We compare it to the other films in the series, the remake, Jaws, and other Richard Donner films (hey, would Damien make a good Goonie? There’s a question we didn’t ask).

We praise the acting, wonder what God is up to these days, praise baboons for keeping us Antichrist-free for 2000 years, and eventually recast the film with Muppets.

We’re watching HD versions and stay in sync. Start after the logo, on the countdown.

Running commentaries that you listen to while you watch the movie.