http://www.tysto.com Tysto is an online magazine of analysis, opinion, editoria, satire, ephemera, and miscellany that attempts to put events and phenomena in perspective with quiet determination. I haven't kept up this feed for months. It's too much of a pain to copy in the text and debug it. "Really simple syndication" my ass. You know the biggest pain? Looking up the day to go with the date when I try to catch up by adding previous articles to the feed. Was the 3rd a Monday or a Tuesday? That's soooo NOT computer-like to force me to do that myself. Who gives a crap, anyway? But if it's not there, the feed breaks, and you get nothing. Also the description can't handle certain characters, so I have to manually remove M-dashes and what-not. What a load of crap. Screw you, RSS-feed inventor Ramanathan V Guha! --DJ http://www.tysto.com http://www.tysto.com Tue, 17 Mar 2009 04:00:00 GMT Ridley Scott starts the Alien franchise rolling with Alien, the story of a humble xenomorph born into a hostile world full of potential hosts that he must struggle to maim and prepare for embryo impregnation. But there is a spunky gal in a space panties that has it out for him! I discuss the structure and pulp origins of the film, the similarities between Ridley Scott and Stanley Kubrick, and the mysterious connections between Gunsmoke and American science fiction. I compare the film to WW2 submarine movies, Star Wars, Mission Impossible (for which I drop a spoiler), and teenage slasher films. I suggest that Veronica Cartwright's career might have been derailed by snot. I complain about Star Trek: First Contact. I say that Dallas portrays alien characteristics when I mean hero characteristics. I say that we're "still in the third act" when I mean the second act. http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/alien.shtml http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/alien.shtml Sat, 11 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT Sure, you could get yourself a Bugatti Veyron or a Lamborghini Murciélago, but all your friends would just sneer at such an obvious show of ostentatious. To really impress them, you should put the bulk of your vast fortune in sensible investments and buy your adrenaline cheap. A motorcycle is the obvious choice for cheap speed, but motorcycles have one major drawback: they raise your chances of becoming an organ donor to uncomfortable levels. So what's a sane human being to do for fun without intentionally risking his or her neck? What kind of fun can you have on four wheels for under, say, $40 grand? http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20081005fastcheap.shtml http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20081005fastcheap.shtml Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT Bond is back again in probably the most popular—and certainly most influential—James Bond film. He's asked to check out Auric Goldfinger in this one, and uncovers a dastardly plot to steal—wait for it—gold! I discuss the gold-painted girl, the Aston Martin DB5, the idea of substituting golf for baccarat, the plausibility of putting a Lincoln Continental in a Ranchero, the plausibility of machismo overcoming lesbianism, the US Army's sense of humor, and, of course, Pussy Galore. http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/goldfinger.shtml http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/goldfinger.shtml Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT What kind of choice is Sarah Palin as a running mate for John McCain? A weird one. On first blush, Palin looks right enough: she's a state governor and former mayor, 44, and looking to advance into the passenger seat of the presidency perhaps as a stepping stone to the driver's seat 4 or 8 years later. What's wrong with that? Plenty of governors have run for and even won the White House, including TR, FDR, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and George W Bush. But Alaska isn't like most other states. It's geographically gigantic, but in terms of people, it's tiny—47th in the nation. Being governor of Alaska is like being the mayor of a medium-sized city. http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20080905palin.shtml http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20080905palin.shtml Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT Harrison Ford breathes life into another icon when he picks up the whip and fedora offered by George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Lawrence Kasdan. I talk about the film's origins and episodic nature, call it "nearly perfect," and point out its various imperfections. I ponder the nature of the triple villain and the character arc that Indy travels. I compare it to romantic comedies and serials of the 1930s and '40s, and to the other Indiana Jones films. I say 1935 a couple of times when I mean 1936. I say Martin Scorsese directed Tucker when I mean Francis Ford Coppola. And I squeeze in a reference to Yakima Canutt. http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/raiders.shtml http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/raiders.shtml Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT As an American, I have viewed it as my civic duty to ignore and even sneer at Doctor Who, the perpetual British adventure series that has never broken thru in the US. Growing up in the late 70s and early 80s, I viewed the snippets I saw of old Who from the Tom Baker era (the fourth Doctor) and later as sad and silly. Sure the girls were pretty (not 'arf, mate), but the sets were cheap and the robots looked like they were designed to be janitors rather than warriors. But then along came a little podcast called Fantragic. http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20080812doctor.shtml http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20080812doctor.shtml Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT The world of car manufacturers is a complicated one. The corporations want to obscure some of their lines to maintain brand separation, but also want to keep you somewhat aware of them so as to leverage the history and goodwill they've tried so hard to attain over the years. BMW didn't need any special British technology to build a cheap runabout like the Mini, but it did need the name in order to give them an excuse to make a cheap runabout in the first place and to have their car be seen as the next generation of the classic Mini. http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20080720cars.shtml http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q3/20080720cars.shtml Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT A new Slate article on the presidential names is about the laziest piece of writing I've ever seen on presidential history. The author claims that "Barack Hussein Obama" is such an unusual name that it is entirely out of keeping with American history—largely true—and that past presidents and even presidential candidates have all had very ordinary names, which is patently ridiculous. http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q2/20080527names.shtml http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q2/20080527names.shtml Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT A Kenny Rogers' Roasters restaurant moves in across the street and beams red light into Kramer's apartment day and night, so he gets Jerry to switch apartments. Elaine buys George a sable hat on the Peterman account along with a load of other things for herself, then gets audited by their accountant. I take apart this classic eighth season episode scene by scene, praising all its loopy goodness and gently pointing out its mild gaps. http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/seinfeld-chicken-roaster.shtml http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/seinfeld-chicken-roaster.shtml Mon, 24 Mar 2008 04:00:00 GMT Simon Pegg knocks one out of the cricket pitch(?) as super cop Nicolas Angel, who gets reassiged to sleepy little Sanford and discovers that there is an evil there that does not sleep. Nick Frost pulls duty as his comic sidekick and film professor. And a host of fantastic British actors support Pegg and director Edgar Wright's brilliant and hilarious screenplay. I focus on the failures in it, of course. But I do heap praise where praise heaps are due. I focus mostly on the themes and intricacies of the plot. I compare it to other films in various genres, including Cars, Doc Hollywood, Sharky's Machine, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Shaun of the Dead, Point Break, Bad Boys II, romantic comedies, and spaghetti westerns. But I'm nothing compared to Wright and Tarantino. Check out my voluminous list of films that Edgar Wright and Quentin Tarantino talk about in their own weird meta-commentary. http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/hot-fuzz.shtml http://www.tysto.com/commentaries/hot-fuzz.shtml Mon, 10 Mar 2008 04:00:00 GMT We at Tysto have been doing audio commentaries for movies for more than a year now. There is a small cadre of regular fan commentators out there, including Renegade Commentaries, MMM Commentaries, Adudathuda DVD Podblast, Sofa Dogs, and the pay service Rifftrax, which is the new project from the guys who brought you Mystery Science Theater 3000. But how do you find a commentary for a movie or TV episode you want to watch? Go to Zarban. http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q1/20080219zarban.shtml http://www.tysto.com/articles08/q1/20080219zarban.shtml Tue, 19 Feb 2008 04:00:00 GMT