Tag Archives: commentaries

Guardians of the Galaxy

Guardians of the GalaxyIMDb
Martin is back! (He has a codename: Faldor. Both of us do. It’s cool. It’s not weird.) We bust out of space prison and give Guardians of the Galaxy a good going over (which mainly consists of saying that it’s fun and cool and the plot is kind of unnecessary). It’s the heartwarming story of a boy who gets kidnapped and leads a life of crime and sexual depravity, with few friends and many enemies.

The film has too many villains and too many endings and some shaky acting but works anyway because of its excess of charm. We praise Marvel, Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Karen Gillen, the soundtrack, and—surprisingly—James Gunn.

We guess at what the soundtrack of the sequel will include. We compare it to The Avengers, Star Wars, Moonraker, Up, Reservoir Dogsand—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods. For some reason, we discuss every Star Trek show and come to the conclusion that this is different. Also Firefly, because duh. We get into a fight over The Lost Boys, The Goonies, and—spoilers—The Cabin in the Woods.

We’re watching the Blu-ray, so we stay in sync. Start the film on the countdown at 0:00:00.

The Omen (1976)

Join Jimmy and me to have a lot of fun with the original The Omen. We compare it to the other films in the series, the remake, Jaws, and other Richard Donner films (hey, would Damien make a good Goonie? There’s a question we didn’t ask).

We praise the acting, wonder what God is up to these days, praise baboons for keeping us Antichrist-free for 2000 years, and eventually recast the film with Muppets.

We’re watching HD versions and stay in sync. Start after the logo, on the countdown.


John Pavlich is back for another horror-comedy romp, this time with Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward vs sand worms. We revel in the B-movie cheesiness that works better than most A movies. We compare it to the sequels, Jaws, Maximum Overdrive, and other slasher and siege films.

We speculate on the biology of the creatures and their closest living relatives. We analyze set-up and payoff. We mark the points of Val’s character arcs (two of them!).

We’re watching the Blu-ray version. Start the film after the Orion logo on the countdown.

The Running Man

Running ManIMDb
Join me as I am joined by Jim Brown (the regular one, not the one from the movie) as we pursue Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Conchita Alonso thru the quads in this 1980s heartwarming tale of 2010s’ excess and televised mayhem. We compare it to other Arnie movies, The Hunger Games, Battle Royale, and modern reality TV. I praise Richard Dawson up and down. And we try to figure out why Dweezil Zappa is in this movie.

We talk about the fact that it was a troubled production, the 80s-ness of the wardrobe and whatnot, and the creepiness of the lady who might harbor rape fantasies. I think we fail to credit Stephen King as the novelist (under the Richard Bachman name). And Jimmy calls me on a Fleetwood Mac reference.

Bonus: find out which stalker I’m making a cos-play costume of!

NOTE: Skype throws us off our game a bit, I’m afraid. The connection breaks down 5 times, but I double-checked the sync. I’ve artfully covered the gaps with Fleetwood Mac music. Just bear with us.

We’re watching the Region 1 DVD, so we stay in sync. Start the film on the countdown with the Taft Entertainment title card after the Tri-Star logo.

White House Down

Just in time for the US Independence Day celebration, join Faldor (Martin from The Extended Edition) and me for a tour of the president’s mansion in Washington, DC, with your tour guide, Roland Emmerich! We praise–and occasionally knock–the CGI. We compare it to Olympus Has Fallen, obviously, Die Hard, other Roland Emmerich films, and Step Up to the Streets (not really).

I talk a bit about the geography of the White House and the nature of the Secret Service. We discuss 10 Downing Street, Jamie Foxx, my other website WhiteHouseMuseum.org, how sprinkler systems work, and why the PEOC only has black-and-white TVs.

We’re watching the Blu-ray, so we stay in sync. Start the film on the countdown with the Columbia title card after the Columbia logo.


Join Jimmy and me as we take a hard look at ’80s classic Highlander. It’s a film we both once loved but which has, like Connor McCloud, hasn’t changed at all while we’ve grown old and cynical. Jimmy loves his native Scotland, and we both respect and admire New York… within certain parameters.

We try to figure out the rules of the contest. We compare the film to other ’80s films discuss other films by Russell Mulcahy and… earrings and stuff. We do drift a little in the middle when the film wanders a bit and discuss American and UK TV standards and practices in the ’80s and now.

We end up getting explicit eventually, but not extensively.

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start after the logo, on the countdown.

The Searchers

Join me and Rob Caravaggio as we scour the plains of Texas (or painted desert of Arizona, YMMV) for our kinfolk and become bitter, bitter men. We love the film and have a lot of fun talking about the text, the sub-text, and possibly some sub-sub-text. See the breathingest dead man on screen, the woodenest of wooden actors, and the most of whatever Mose is.

We don’t care for the music much or for some inherent prejudices in a film that ostensibly tries to say racial prejudice is bad. We analyze the use of humor, montage, and studio work. We compare the film to other Wayne-Ford films, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Adam Sandler’s failed Western.

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start along with the Warner Brothers logo (not after), on the countdown.


Join me as I’m again joined by Jimmy B for a tender tale of romance about a fashion model and a lonely pizza-loving man named Marion. We compare it to other Stallone films, other ’80s action we’ve done commentaries for, and Hong Kong Phooey. Actually the Hong Kong Phooey stuff might be slightly off-topic, along with our attempt to answer the age-old question: what is brown sauce?

We don’t like the film and mock it as it deserves and yet confess a deep affection for it in that it transcends the Steven Seagal/JCVD stuff that came after it and seem modeled on it. Get your axes and motorcycle and join our cult!

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start after the Warner Brothers logo, on the countdown.