Tag Archives: nearly.perfect


VertigoNetflix IMDb
Join me and Mike of Commentary Track Stars as we take a dizzying look from the heights of one of, if not the, best of Hitchcock—best of anyone, according to some. My microphone sounds weird.

We’re watching the Region 1 DVD Collector’s Edition version. Start the movie after the Universal logo and before the Paramount logo, on the countdown.

Men in Black

Men in BlackNetflix IMDb
Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we relax with an old favorite. Men in Black 3 is in the theaters, so we nod our heads along with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the original. Often imitated (I’m looking at you, Hellboy), never duplicated, it’s a modern classic—all the more remarkable for being rewritten on the fly and helmed by the hit-or-miss Barry Sonnenfeld.

We talk about Smith and Jones and Sonnenfeld’s other films, discuss the sequel, and marvel at the cast in general. I call it a nearly nearly perfect film, and we analyze what makes us hold back on the unconditional love.

NOTE: We fail to note that the “This one’s eating my popcorn” dirty joke that K tells as James come out of his neurolyzer stupor is told in full in The Sting.

We’re watching the region 1 DVD. Start the film, on the countdown after the Columbia Films logo has faded to a starfield.

Big Trouble in Little China

Big Trouble in Little ChinaNetflix IMDb
There’s big trouble brewing in Chinatown! Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs and me as we go into the tunnels under San Francisco to fight David Lo Pan and retrieve the lovely Miao Yin and Gracie Law! In this impromptu commentary, we discuss the film’s origins in pulp fiction and connections to Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, Bruce Lee movies, and other John Carpenter movies.

We gush like schoolgirls at times, and agree that the film is virtually if not actually nearly perfect.

Note: A little explicit language at times.

Start the movie on the countdown with the 20th Century Fox logo just fading up.

Jurassic Park – 100th commentary spectacular

Jurassic Park

WELCOME!!! to the Tysto 100th Commentary Spectacular!!! Join me for a showcase of early CGI as God intended it: DINOSAURS!!! I welcome Bea Arthur and Foreigner as special guests!!! And dancing girls!!! I even ride a live dinosaur trained to the saddle!!!

Jurassic Park is the heartwarming story of people who get trapped in an old dark house with Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Bela Lugosi, and Peter Lorre, played by DINOSAURS!!! I gush rhapsodical about the dinosaurs and other action. I complain slightly about the flatness of the Alan and Ellie characters. I compare the film to Jaws and explain the structure with its various types of pipe-laying. And I depress myself slightly by looking up whether or not the Pirates of the Caribbean ride ever actually killed anyone.

I’m watching the region 1 DVD. Start the film right after the Universal logo has faded but before Universal Pictures Presents title card, on the countdown.

The Fly (1986)

The FlyNetflix IMDb
Join me and John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs podcast again, this time for a freaky, gooey ride thru Cronenberg-land, a land of magic and mystery and “flesh” and cool cars, located near scenic Toronto. We analyze the themes of substance abuse, transformation, and disease; wonder who is the craziest character; and ultimately blame the whole mess on the baboon.

We marvel at the economy and deftness of storytelling, discuss the tragic romance and operatic angle, and compare it to the sequel, to the first draft, and somewhat to other transformation monster movies. I call the film nearly perfect and declare Jeff Goldblum to be his Goldblumiest.

We’re watching the Blu-ray version. Start the film right after the old Fox logo has faded but before the Brooksfilm title card on the countdown.

Aliens (special edition)

AliensNetflix IMDb
James Cameron blasts you out of a cannon (after loading you and packing you with powder for, like, 40 minutes) at a whole host of aliens (which you don’t actually hit for another 35 minutes) in this sequel to the timeless monster movie Alien. Join me as I examine the special edition and its themes of motherhood and self-actualization and blowin’ sh*t up and corporations are bad.

I compare the film to the original and to various other films by Cameron and others. I go Wierzbowski hunting. I imagine Jerry Seinfeld in place of Paul Reiser. I call it “nearly perfect”, altho I lament the concept of the alien hive with a queen. And I call out all the little Cameron-romance moments (“We’re gonna die! I kind of like you!”).

NOTE: There’s an unfortunate little bit of popping in the first 30 minutes, perhaps caused by the new version of Audacity. Sorry.

Start the film after the 20th Century Fox logo at the same time you start the commentary.

The Maltese Falcon

Maltese FalconNetflix IMDb
Join me as I watch Humphrey Bogart take on Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre—not to mention that duplicitous whore Mary Astor—in John Huston’s version of Dashiell Hammett’s The Maltese Falcon. I compare it to the book a little (it’s nearly identical) and the 1931 version (it’s way better), as well as Citizen Kane and later films noir and hard-boiled detective films.

I complain about Astor’s performance (and general non-sexiness, if you ask me) and about the somewhat repetitive talkiness of the film, but I really do love it. I just can’t quite call it “nearly perfect”. I take it apart and examine the pieces, particularly the character motivations and directorial style and explain what an “automatic revolver” is.

Start the commentary with the Warner Brothers logo, on the countdown.
Continue reading The Maltese Falcon