Tag Archives: Star.Wars

Commentary: Star Wars 6: Return of the Jedi (special ed.)

Return of the JediNetflix IMDb

Join me for the last of the Star Wars films ever made! (Later films notwithstanding. Offer void where prohibited.) I analyze the romance, the bromance, and the dromance. I try to figure out the timeline again. I compare the Empire’s work-life-balance policies with the Alliance’s. And I deconstruct the episodic nature of this film and the previous one.

I analyze the lack of proper planning evident thruout the film, including the method of constructing Death Star II. I once again declare my love for ewoks, perhaps a little too strongly…. I forgive C-3P0 somewhat. And I do lots of incredibly precises impressions of various characters. (Your mileage may vary. This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.)

Start the commentary just as the “Long ago and far away” line comes up, on the countdown.

Commentary: Star Wars 5: The Empire Strikes Back (special ed.)

Empire Strikes Back posterNetflix IMDb

Join me for a fourth helping of the Star Wars saga, this time dismantling the best film of the series. I examine Luke’s story within the film and within the saga, as well as Vader’s. I analyze Han and Leia’s story as a romantic tragedy hors d’oeuvre that barely connects to the real story. And I compare the film to the prequels, Casablanca, adventure serials of the 1930s, samurai and western movies, Flash Gordon, and The Karate Kid.

I try to determine the timeline, point out John Ratzenberger, and do stunningly life-like impressions of George Lucas and Darth Vader. I psychoanalyze Yoda and question Lando’s sexuality. Courting controversy, I declare my love for ewoks, root for Admiral Piett to retire to a villa on the Black Sea, and imagine daily life for stormtroopers. And I confidently assert that Han and Leia closed the deal by the time they met Vader at Cloud City.

Start the commentary just as the “Long ago and far away” line comes up, on the countdown.

Commentary: Star Wars (theatrical)

old Star Wars posterNetflix IMDb

Yes, incredibly, I’ve broken my solemn oath not to do a Star Wars commentary a third time, this time by commentating on the original version of Star Wars from the bonus disk of the slim case boxed set. This is technically not the “theatrical” version, but is close enough. It’s the one you may remember from VHS or laser disk or etched into stone tablets on Mount Olympus. It is the Star Wars.

I spend all my time disassembling the story and examining it piece by piece except when I’m making fun of C-3P0 or dismissing Chewbacca. I compare it to The Hidden Fortress, the hero’s journey monomyth, King Arthur, Gilgamesh, Greek myths, westerns, and Flash Gordon serials. I attempt to “fix” it—and by doing a lot more than making Greedo shoot first.

Start the commentary right after the 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm logos have faded, along with the music, on the countdown. Sync point dialog is provided by a random stormtrooper.

Commentary: Star Wars 4: A New Hope (special ed.)

Netflix IMDb

I am joined by my padawan nephew “Noron” for a rip-roaring adventure in space with droids and stormtroopers and everything in a commentary for the first (chronologically) of the Star Wars films (special edition cut). Together we contemplate the value of an escape pod that dumps you in the middle of a giant desert, the wisdom of Jawas not to wipe the memories of the droids they find, and the likelihood of a giant aquatic snake getting onto a space station.

We try to figure out Darth Vader’s rank in relation to the various Moffs and Grand Moffs in this and the next movie, and how Peter Cushing could have been the good guy in old vampire movies when he looks like a vampire in this movie. We mull over the value of droids that can barely walk or roll, have no arms, and can’t speak; narrow walkways without railings; and a headset on a wookiee [sic] that just goes “Aaawr!” One of us laments the loss of Porkins and Biggs, and one of us roots for the death of Biggs. Why? You won’t believe the reason.

Start the commentary right after the 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm logos have faded, along with the music, on the countdown.

Commentary: Star Wars 1: Phantom Menace (crazy Mr Plinkett edition!)

Netflix IMDb

Liam Nissan and Ewan McDonald’s use their laser swords to fight crime in the distant future! Natalie Portman and Keira Knightly are twins! Darth Vader wants to know: “Are you an angel?” A slave boy builds a diplomatic interpreter robot to help his mom do the dishes! The Jedi Council stops at nothing sends one Jedi and his apprentice to uncover the rising Sith menace. An aquatic rabbit bumbles thru the entire movie and wins a robot battle! And WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAACE?!

I edit Mr Plinkett of Red Letter Media into a commentary and interject my own observations and opinions (thereby breaking my pledge never to do a Star Wars commentary) whenever he runs out of things to rant about. Check out the original brilliantly funny and insightful video review of the film and several other terrific videos.

Warning: Strong language thruout. Also, strong weirdness on and off.

Note: This is a semi-authorized version of Mr. Plinkett’s work, in that he basically said, ‘Well, it’s not like I can stop you,” and I contributed to his legal defense fund.

Start the commentary with the 20th Century Fox fanfare, on the countdown. (65 MB)