Tag Archives: Star.Wars

Star Wars 9: The Rise of Skywalker


Rise of SkywalkerJoin Drew and me for yet another rollicking adventure with all your favorite characters from all the Star Wars movies–because THEY ARE ALL HERE. How? Visions, dreams, memories, ancient magic, cloning, holograms, borrowed footage, deleted scenes, computer trickery, or some combination of the above.

We praise… well… some things. C3P0 jokes? Daisy Ridley? I like it better than Drew–mainly because I don’t remember a lot of what happened in the previous movies that is being contradicted here, so I praise JJ Abrams, which–surprisingly even to me–is not sarcasm. We compare it to Force Awakens and Last Jedi and Harry Potter, and Marvel movies. And we write an ending that would allow for a kick-ass animated series.

Note: The effect I was trying to think of was the Kuleshov effect.

We’re watching on Blu-ray. Start right after the Lucasfilm logo on the countdown.

Star Wars 8: The Last Jedi


Join Drew and me for a rollicking adventure following all your favorite characters from The Force Awakens (except the ones who died) where they… uh… try to escape the First Order and try to get Luke to return to civilization, and ride some llama-dogs at a racetrack, and some of them eventually meet for the first time… What is this movie about?

I guess we praise the acting and set design and dialog but sort of not? We compare it to Phantom Menace and Harry Potter.

Note: I failed to ensure my microphone was set up correctly, so my side is recorded thru the built-in microphone. Luckily, Drew does most of the talking because he’s the expert and also he understands what’s going on most of the time.

We’re watching on Blu-ray. Start right after the Lucasfilm logo on the countdown.

Star Wars: Rogue One


Rogue OneJoin Drew and me for a whirlwind tour of the galaxy, with a cast so vast includes several dead people. It’s the heartwarming tale of a pair of ragamuffin lone wolves in a motley band of rogues within a ragtag group of rebels inside a struggling republic fighting a galactic empire with no apparent emperor that nevertheless somehow builds gigantic moon-sized space stations. And it’s the tale of how they get a message from a guy who tells them all they have to do to destroy that space station is get the plans from the most secure military warehouse in the galaxy and exploit a flaw he designed deep inside the most dangerous weapon ever created. SIMPLE!

We’re watching on Blu-ray. Start right after the Lucasfilm logo on the countdown.

Star Wars 7: Force Awakens

Star Wars the Force AwakensIMDb

After a long absence, and now much older and wiser, Drew returns to set us straight about Star Wars. And I wreck things and generally act childish.

We lament the familiarity of the plot and some character choices. We debate weather Daisy Ridley is actually Keira Knightly (me: yes; Drew: probably not), and whether the stormtroopers are “thick” and/or “phat”.

We volley back and forth with our deep, deep knowledge of the Star Wars Extended Universe, most of which is made up. We ponder the reason why Kylo Ren is there, why Finn instantly goes from Conscientious Objector to Hollywood Hero, how maps work, who is making robots that feel bad, and why any of this happens.

Bonus: I clear my throat 11,000 times!

We’re watching the Blu-ray. Start right after the logo on the countdown.

Also on YouTube!

Star Wars 6: Return of the Jedi

Return of the JediNetflix IMDb
Join me for the last of the Star Wars films ever made! (Later films notwithstanding. Offer void where prohibited.) I analyze the romance, the bromance, and the dromance. I try to figure out the timeline again. I compare the Empire’s work-life-balance policies with the Alliance’s. And I deconstruct the episodic nature of this film and the previous one.

I analyze the lack of proper planning evident thruout the film, including the method of constructing Death Star II. I once again declare my love for ewoks, perhaps a little too strongly…. I forgive C-3P0 somewhat. And I do lots of incredibly precises impressions of various characters. (Your mileage may vary. This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.)

Start the commentary just as the “Long ago and far away” line comes up, on the countdown.

Star Wars 5: The Empire Strikes Back (special ed.)

Empire Strikes Back posterNetflix IMDb
Join me for a fourth helping of the Star Wars saga, this time dismantling the best film of the series. I examine Luke’s story within the film and within the saga, as well as Vader’s. I analyze Han and Leia’s story as a romantic tragedy hors d’oeuvre that barely connects to the real story. And I compare the film to the prequels, Casablanca, adventure serials of the 1930s, samurai and western movies, Flash Gordon, and The Karate Kid.

I try to determine the timeline, point out John Ratzenberger, and do stunningly life-like impressions of George Lucas and Darth Vader. I psychoanalyze Yoda and question Lando’s sexuality. Courting controversy, I declare my love for ewoks, root for Admiral Piett to retire to a villa on the Black Sea, and imagine daily life for stormtroopers. And I confidently assert that Han and Leia closed the deal by the time they met Vader at Cloud City.

Start the commentary just as the “Long ago and far away” line comes up, on the countdown.

Star Wars 4 (theatrical)

old Star Wars posterNetflix IMDb
Yes, incredibly, I’ve broken my solemn oath not to do a Star Wars commentary a third time, this time by commentating on the original version of Star Wars from the bonus disk of the slim case boxed set. This is technically not the “theatrical” version, but is close enough. It’s the one you may remember from VHS or laser disk or etched into stone tablets on Mount Olympus. It is the Star Wars.

I spend all my time disassembling the story and examining it piece by piece except when I’m making fun of C-3P0 or dismissing Chewbacca. I compare it to The Hidden Fortress, the hero’s journey monomyth, King Arthur, Gilgamesh, Greek myths, westerns, and Flash Gordon serials. I attempt to “fix” it—and by doing a lot more than making Greedo shoot first.

Start the commentary right after the 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm logos have faded, along with the music, on the countdown. Sync point dialog is provided by a random stormtrooper.

Star Wars 4: A New Hope (special ed.)

Netflix IMDb
I am joined by my padawan nephew “Noron” for a rip-roaring adventure in space with droids and stormtroopers and everything in a commentary for the first (chronologically) of the Star Wars films (special edition cut). Together we contemplate the value of an escape pod that dumps you in the middle of a giant desert, the wisdom of Jawas not to wipe the memories of the droids they find, and the likelihood of a giant aquatic snake getting onto a space station.

We try to figure out Darth Vader’s rank in relation to the various Moffs and Grand Moffs in this and the next movie, and how Peter Cushing could have been the good guy in old vampire movies when he looks like a vampire in this movie. We mull over the value of droids that can barely walk or roll, have no arms, and can’t speak; narrow walkways without railings; and a headset on a wookiee [sic] that just goes “Aaawr!” One of us laments the loss of Porkins and Biggs, and one of us roots for the death of Biggs. Why? You won’t believe the reason.

Start the commentary right after the 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm logos have faded, along with the music, on the countdown.

Star Wars 1: Phantom Menace (crazy Mr Plinkett edition!)

Netflix IMDb
Liam Nissan and Ewan McDonald’s use their laser swords to fight crime in the distant future! Natalie Portman and Keira Knightly are twins! Darth Vader wants to know: “Are you an angel?” A slave boy builds a diplomatic interpreter robot to help his mom do the dishes! The Jedi Council stops at nothing sends one Jedi and his apprentice to uncover the rising Sith menace. An aquatic rabbit bumbles thru the entire movie and wins a robot battle! And WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAACE?!

I edit Mr Plinkett of Red Letter Media into a commentary and interject my own observations and opinions (thereby breaking my pledge never to do a Star Wars commentary) whenever he runs out of things to rant about. Check out the original brilliantly funny and insightful video review of the film and several other terrific videos.

Warning: Strong language thruout. Also, strong weirdness on and off.

Note: This is a semi-authorized version of Mr. Plinkett’s work, in that he basically said, ‘Well, it’s not like I can stop you,” and I contributed to his legal defense fund.

Start the commentary with the 20th Century Fox fanfare, on the countdown. (65 MB)